


Thorns And Roses

by just_another_lightwood_bane



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Feels, Are disasters, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV) References, But it gets a whole lotta better, CEO Helen Blackthorn, Director Aline Penhallow, Everyone is sad at first, F/F, F/M, Fashion Designer Magnus Bane, Happy Ending, Helen has anxiety, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Internalized Homophobia, Isabelle Lightwood Ships Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Jace Wayland is a Lightwood, Law Professor Alec Lightwood, Light Angst, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus is insecure, Maryse Lightwood Redemption, POV Alec Lightwood, POV Aline Penhallow, POV Helen Blackthorn, POV Magnus Bane, Positive bisexuality, Roommates, Sad Alec Lightwood, They are disaster queers because let's face it they actually are, all four of them, for a while, not for long, pop culture references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2020-10-05 18:41:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20493452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_another_lightwood_bane/pseuds/just_another_lightwood_bane
Summary: Helen Blackthorn, CEO of the Thornbush publishing empire, is the next Bachelorette, and she has to choose between ten men competing for her hand in marriage, but the assistant director with short black hair and a badass vibe is pretty cute too.After a past secret comes out, Alec Lightwood is his parents only hope to restore the family image by good media exposure, and what better way to do that than winning America’s sweetheart’s hand in marriage?Magnus Bane, world’s most sought after fashion designer wants to try his luck with Helen after his last disastrous relationship, but will it work, or end in another disaster?





	1. This Is My Side Of The Story, Only My Burden To Bear

**Author's Note:**

> This came to me in a dream, literally. I hope you enjoy it. Happy reading!

_ You can do this, there’s no problem at all. Just get up there. Maybe she won’t even choose you. I mean, look at you. She’s got standards. And I mean- I mean come ON! She won’t choose you, of course not. She’s a smart woman. Oh God, what if she sees through me! What am I gonna do then?! What if she tells everyone that she doesn’t want me there because I’m- I’m- _

“Alec!”

Isabelle’s voice cuts like a knife through the anxiety induced haze in Alec’s mind. He jerks his head up, and tries to focus on his sister’s face, his hazel eyes glassy with a cocktail of fear, anxiety, and apprehension, his palms sweaty.

“Alec! Alec, you okay? You with me? Alec?”

“I-I can’t breathe!”

“It’s okay, Alec. I’m here. I’m right here with you. You’re safe, you’re with me. Breathe for me, big brother. I’m right here with you. Just breathe.”

Alec lets his sister’s voice guide him through the fog in his mind, her hands on his arms are a grounding touch. He centres his mind, breathing slowly and deeply.

“Slow and steady, there we go.”

Alec feels a little calmer now. He still isn’t completely out of it, but now that it’s a bit clearer, he can find his way. He finally looks at those mocha brown eyes filled with concern. “It’s better now. Thanks for that, Iz.”

“Don’t thank me now. I am your sister. It’s my job to help you. Even if you are preparing to throw your life away.” Izzy throws her perfectly shaped right eyebrow at him.

“Not again, Iz,” Alec groans.

“You don’t have to do this Alec,” Izzy pleads. 

“I do, actually,” Alec tries to sound determined, but whether it's to Izzy, or himself, he’s not sure.

“No you don’t. Let Jace go up there. He’s okay with it too. Please don’t go.”

“Iz you-“

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood, would you stop being so self-sacrificing every damn minute!” Izzy is getting impatient now.

“Five minutes till camera rolls people!” The assistant director, _ Aline _, Alec remembers, yells.

“I have to go Iz.” Alec half-walks, half-runs away from her, not sure if the walls around his heart can take another blow of her determined reasoning.

_ Of course I have to do this. I’m no good to my parents otherwise. Having a son like me is practically political suicide, and if doing this means they have a better time campaigning, well, I could happily die for them, and this is just marriage. _

_ Yes, Jace could’ve gone up there, but this will need diplomacy, and a clean media presence, and as much as I love him, the playboy image doesn’t help here. It’s all about strategies. And Jace is not who someone would go to for strategies. And after the media outrage my parents faced the last few months, I’ll do anything to protect my family name. _

_ Even if it means denying that I’m- you know. _

_ And-and, yeah meeting someone who loves me for who I am would be wonderful. God knows I’ve been having this dream since I was 12 years old! But that's all it is, a 'dream'. This is the real world. It sucks. _

_ It’s not like Mom and Dad can just change their whole lives. They have high hopes from this campaign. I can’t screw this up. _

_ I have to think about my family. _

“Okay people, let’s begin the Rose Ceremony. It’s showtime.” Aline gives a thumbs up.

Alec adjusts his black bowtie and smoothes down non-existent creases on the black lapels of his wine-purple tuxedo jacket.

_ Showtime indeed. _

\---------------------------------------

“Miss Blackthorn?" Aline knocks on the door to her green room thrice.

_ No answer. _

“Ma’am, we’re starting shooting in an hour.”

_ No answer. _

“Ma’am?”

A muffled voice comes through the door.

“Ma’am I’m coming in,” Aline decides in a moment.

Aline opens the door cautiously, and finds Helen sitting on the floor, far away from the door, tucking her head in between her knees, the light dimmed in the room. Aline approaches her, stopping outside her personal space.

“Miss Blackthorn, you okay?”

“It’s okay, I’ll be ready in a minute. Sorry you had to see all-all this.” Helen wipes her face with the back of her left hand, right hand gesturing at herself.

“It’s not a problem Ma’am. Do you need anything? Maybe someone to talk to?” Aline doesn’t dare to move from her spot, afraid she may startle Helen with any sudden movement 

“It’s okay, really, you don’t have to listen to me. The show starts in a couple minutes, I’m sure you have many things to do.” Helen finally looks up at the woman before her.

Bright jade eyes start at the bottom, taking in the olive green Doc Martens, following the black jeans to the untucked black t-shirt, to the sleeveless olive green hoodie thrown over it, a grey binder tucked at the crook of her elbow. She reaches up to the face, and there’s a headset around the woman’s neck, crackling with incoherent sounds. 

But Helen can’t seem to care about that, as she takes in the beautiful face in front of her, framed by shoulder length jet black hair, brown eyes that seem almost black in the low light, pulling her attention in even more, with unabashed concern and kindness in them. There isn’t a trace of makeup on that face. It is the most beautiful face Helen has ever seen, and she works with professional models on a daily basis.

“Actually, I could use a little break. From all the production hustle, you know,” Aline says sitting down in front of her, her chocolate brown eyes twinkling with a smile. “If that’s alright with you, Ma’am?”

“Oh please, call me Helen. And I just don’t want to waste your time with my problems. Wait, you didn’t tell me your name.”

“Aline. Aline Penhallow. And please, feel free to talk about whatever you want. I’m told I’m a good problem solver.” Aline smiles and makes a fake snobby gesture, making Helen laugh for the first time since she entered the room. Aline stares at her form shaking with laughter.

_ Wow, she’s breathtaking! _

“Is that so? Well then, here it is, the woes of my life.” Helen makes an over-dramatic gesture of touching the back of her right hand to her forehead, making Aline break into a smile. Helen's eyes widen seeing her smile. 

_ Holy crap, that is a beautiful smile! _

“It’s just- it’s gonna seem really silly.” Helen hesitates.

“I always wear mismatched socks. Right now, I’m wearing a purple one and an orange one,” Aline says after a moment.

“What? What does that have to do with anything?” Helen asks, scrunching her nose, completely thrown off track now.

_ Awww, she looks so cute with her nose scrunched up! Damn it Penhallow, control yourself! _

“You said it’s gonna seem silly. Well, I wear mismatched socks for good luck, it seems silly to you, but it’s absolutely important and serious to me. Whatever it is, it’s serious enough to bother you, so don’t worry. Just tell me.”

Helen stares at her. _ I-I don’t know what to think of this. _

Finally, Helen clears her throat.

“Thank you. I needed that. It's just, I-I miss my family tonight. My parents aren’t alive anymore, but I have six siblings. I’m the oldest. Mark and Jules are actually babysitting the rest for the time being. But that’s what I’m worried about. I love them, but I’ll be lucky if I get home to the house in one piece after this.” Helen’s eyes shine with fondness, her mouth curling into a soft smile.

_ She’s a great sister. _

“If they’re anything like their sister, I think they’ll be fine,” Aline says matter-of-factly.

“Thank you for that Aline. That’s very kind of you.”

“I’m just being honest,” Aline shrugs.

“Actually I was wond-“

Helen gets cut off by someone’s shout coming from Aline’s headset that she'd put on the ground before sitting down.

“Oh crap! I’m so sorry to do this, but we’re down to fifteen minutes now. And I really need to get you ready,” Aline says, guiltily.

“No, no, please, it’s your job. And I’m sure I couldn’t have had a better person to talk to. Thank you for helping me, Aline. I feel better now, thanks to you.”

“It’s my pleasure. You’re gonna be amazing, Helen. And if you need someone to talk to, just find me.”

“I may just take you up on that offer,” Helen smiles at her.

“Penhallow! We need Camera 1 and 5, ready to go, stat. PENHALLOW!”

“Coming Boss!” Aline faces Helen, “Duty calls.”

“I’ll get ready too. Break a leg, Penhallow.”

“Break some hearts, Blackthorn.” Aline gives her a wave, and leaves, beaming at the smile Helen gives her.

Later, when she sees Helen step in front of the camera, in a stunning silver gown, her silver blond hair in wavy locks, and jade eyes rimmed in purple eyeshadow and mascara, crystal purple stilettos on, wearing a million-dollar smile, she suddenly feels jealous of the ten men standing opposite her.

\---------------------------------------

Magnus looks at himself in the mirror of the vanity in the green room. The show operator has given him the fifteen minutes warning, till his appearance, coming in at the middle of the show instead of the start as a twist. He will be the surprise contestant of this season, and one of the ten originals will be going home. It was a PR strategy, to keep the audience on the edge of their seat, and he admits that it will work. The public loves twists and turns in a love story after all.

He's donning a charcoal grey suit of his own design, a hot pink tie with a silver arrow tie pin, purple vest, jewellery and rings worn in a way that is aesthetically pleasing, perfectly coiffed hair with fuchsia highlights, his favourite snake ear cuff in his left ear, and Ralph Lauren boots. Magnus is glad he decided to go with his winged purple eyeliner, and black eyeshadow. He has kept the ring finger of his left hand empty, to present as a punch line thought up by the show runners, Magnus rolls his eyes at that. And of course, glitter is a must. After all, he is Magnus Bane, The Glitter God of fashion.

Magnus rubs together his impeccably manicured index finger and thumb of his left hand, a nervous tick he’s had since early childhood.

_ I’m doing this. I’m actually doing this. I’m taking a chance on love. _

_ A love where the public gets to witness every part of my story. _

_ Well, maybe this time, it will be better. Camille and I were so private, but when she broke my heart, it didn’t hurt any less, maybe this sort of transparency would be better for me. _

_ But all of this applies only if Helen even chooses me at the end. Hell, if we even have something worth choosing. _

_ She is a wonderful human being, _ Magnus thinks. He met her during one of the fashion photoshoots for his 2018 Fall collection for _ Threadbare _ , the famous fashion magazine published from Helen's company, _ Thornbush _. In spite of being the CEO, Helen was there to personally greet Magnus and his team, and he found out that she does that for every client. Feeling intrigued, Magnus talked to Helen before, during and after the photoshoot, and had been pleasantly surprised to find her smart, funny and hard-working, with intricate knowledge of all of the departments under her supervision. Also, it was her strict and fair work-ethic as well as couture fashion sense that won him over. Not all CEOs were like Helen, and Magnus wished they stayed in touch after that. 

_ Oh well, she’s gonna know me pretty well for the next couple of weeks. What if she doesn’t like what gets dredged up in this? _

_ I’m putting my entire soul on the line here. _

_ It may just be a disaster. Maybe I should’ve declined when they asked me if I was interested, I had just broken up with Camille, AGAIN, and I- _

_ No. NO. I’m done letting Camille manipulate me. Now I don’t care if I get my soulmate from here, or if I get my heart broken, it will all be on MY terms. No more cheating, no more lies. I’m taking back my life from her. _

_ One rose at a time. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from the song 'My Side Of The Story' by Hodges.  
So, what do you think? Tell me in the comments, or on tumblr @just-another-lightwood-bane.


	2. All The Burden That I Face Inside Every Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The show starts filming. Helen, Magnus and Alec meet. Alec remembers the day he decided to join the show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy reading!

Alec feels his heart racing inside his chest, threatening to burst out any time. He takes a deep breath, remembering his mother’s words when Simon mentioned about the producers looking for eligible bachelors suitable for Helen.

_ “A chance to create a love story, in the public eyes. This could help the campaign, don’t you think so Robert?” Maryse asks her husband, who simply replies with a curt nod. Alec, even with his better than average memory, fails to remember when he saw his father display affection towards any family member when they were not in front of a camera lens. _

She immediately put Simon on the job to research ‘this Blackthorn girl’, as she put it. It took Simon one day to dig up virtually everything that there was to know about her, and after reviewing the file in one evening, the matriarch had announced at the dinner table that Alec would be participating.

_ “Alec, you are the eldest, and you are a Lightwood. We need a win. After the media leak about The Circle, I don’t want there to be anything other than good publicity, not if I can help it. And you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. I trust that you won’t let us down. I don’t care what you have to do, who you have to deal with, you are going there, and you are winning that little reality show, and the voters will associate the Lightwood name with a beautiful, sappy love story, and it’s gonna affect the ballot. What do you say?” Maryse looks at him with determination in her eyes, lips pursed, making her look very much like an executioner rather than a matriarch. _

As if she would’ve accepted anything other than ‘yes’.

Alec still remembers what he was feeling at that moment. Strangely enough, it wasn’t as though his world was ending, like sandcastles of his dreams getting toppled by a wave crashing on the shore. 

No. Instead he felt calm, cautious. There was no sandcastle to be destroyed anyway. Alec knows that he couldn’t have what he wanted, no matter how hard he wanted. He has known that since he was asked by his parents to have a discussion with them about his political career, on his 15th birthday. It was their way of securing the Lightwood legacy. That day when she made that announcement, Alec felt like a burden was lifted from his shoulders. He is a soldier in his parents fight to make it to the top, and like any soldier, when he gets an order, it’s his job to carry it out. He remembers calmly exhaling, then looking at his mother straight in her chocolate brown eyes, and he remembers saying ‘yes’, firmly, the graveness of his own voice surprised him.

He remembers excusing himself from the table, saying that he wasn’t feeling well and going up to his room. Izzy and Jace tell him that they found him sitting on his bed, staring at nothing, like he was not tethered to anything earthly. He only remembers suddenly feeling the crushing weight of his siblings hugging him tightly, and the damp feeling in the front of his shirt where Izzy buried her face in, his shoulder under a death grip of Jace’s hand. He remembers it like waking up from a sleep he doesn’t remember falling into, and the blank expression on his face only urging them to hold him closer.

The next few weeks Izzy and Jace kept pestering him to say no to Maryse, Izzy going as far as threatening to never talk to him again. But Alec remembers smiling and telling her that everything would be fine. Jace dared to ask Maryse to consider him for the show, but she immediately shot him down saying that they needed a cautiously crafted fairytale, and Jace was too brash for that to work. Alec remembers Izzy wincing at her words, and then looking over at Alec to mouth ‘I’m sorry’, Alec simply mouthing ‘it’s okay’ back.

He didn’t feel anything anyway.

_ Helen’s a great person _ , Alec thinks _ . Kind, caring, responsible. It’s already better than he ever imagined it would be. _

“Alexander Lightwood!” The host, James’s dramatic and cheery voice breaks Alec out of his reverie. He looks up at the audience, trying to put on his best smile. 

“The best bet of the show, according to our audience! I mean, they’re not wrong. Valedictorian, graduating college summa cum laude, with a degree in Criminal Law, and a pristine social media presence,” he continues animatedly, then whispers in a secretive way into the mic, “and he’s not so bad on the eyes either,” then winking wildly at the camera.

Alec blushes at that, gaining him a combined ‘awww’ from the crowd.

“So, Alex I-” 

“It’s Alec, actually. I prefer Alec,” he corrects James immediately, cringing at his bluntness a second later.

Thrown off track, James only takes a moment to compose himself. “Alec, uncommon, unique, intriguing, a lot like yourself, isn’t it ladies?” He tries to salvage the awkward situation, and the audience, mostly consisting of young women, laughs out in response. It takes all of Alec’s willpower to keep from rolling his eyes in front of the camera.

“So, Alec! Tell us a bit about yourself.” James looks at Alec inquisitively.

_ Well my mother wants me to be here for their political career, my palms are sweaty, my heart rate is erratic, I’m emotionally exhausted, and I’m so deep in the closet, Aslan can’t even find me here. _

He doesn’t say that of course. Instead he sits up straight, crossing his leg, chin held high, while straightening his wine purple jacket, establishing his hold on the audience by all the techniques taught by his mother. He then takes the mic from James and speaks into it.

“Well, my name is Alec, I’m 29 years old, and,” Alec pauses strategically, “I’m trying to find someone to share my love and my life with.”

The well-rehearsed speech, written by Jace, earns him a roaring applause from the audience. And Alec thanks every higher being in the universe for blessing him with Jace as his brother.

James then moves on to explain the process of the show, and Alec stops listening halfway to his first sentence, his mind too restless to focus.

_ Okay then, let’s do this. One day down. The rest of my life to go. _

He doesn’t even flinch at the inner proclamation of despair anymore.

\----------------------------------------------

_ Whoo, ok. Step one, go out there. Step two, smile. Step three, make introductions. Step four, choose someone to send home. Easy enough, right? _

Her anxiety has been peaking the entire day. In front of so many people, every facet of her on display for the world to see. It makes her feel vulnerable and exposed.

_ My work is for the world to see, _ Helen contemplates, _ but doesn’t mean I’m ready for the world to see me. I wonder what Ty and Livvy are up to now. Maybe they’re asking Jules to read them Sherlock Holmes again. Emma’s there with him, I wonder when they’ll stop pining and finally fess up, _ she smiles fondly _ . _

_ Wait, why didn’t Mark call me yet? He was supposed to inform me about the _ Threadbare _ June cover, we need to submit it by- oh right! Today’s the 5th, the Kiearktina dinner date! Kit’s gonna have a field day with that! That reminds me, what the damn hell is Kit doing? Boy if you wait for Ty to come out and say romantic proclamations then we’re gonna be here forever. Just do it already, and save us the angst. _

_ That’s it! We should have an article in the June cover about angst in today’s relationships because of lack of communication. Lord knows the world needs clearer communication, and people who don’t pretend, but don’t trade kindness for snark. _

_ People like Aline. I hope I’ll see her again. How did she manage to calm me down anyway? I haven’t been this comfortable with anyone in, holy shit, it’s been a long time. Wonder what she’s doing now? _

_ Probably running around in her mismatched socks. _

A fond smile finds its way in Helen’s face absently.

“Miss Blackthorn you’re going in,” the stage detail says, capturing her attention.

“Yes, yes, of course. Thank you,” Helen smiles.

“You’re welcome, Miss Blackthorn.”

Helen nods to herself and then takes a deep breath, relaxing her nerves. Then she goes up the stage, in perfect sync with James introducing her as the latest Bachelorette. She waves at the crowd, smiling beautifully, immediately winning some heart eyes from the audience.

James then ushers her over to the bachelors sitting on the other side of the stage, and she sits on a plush royal blue sofa, taking her place in between the men, strategically arranged to endorse her as the queen bee. _ Entertainment industry and its dramatics, _ Helen thinks sarcastically.

“Now that the one we all have been waiting for with baited breath is finally here, everyone please welcome this season’s participants of _ The Bachelorette _.”

The crowd roars and cheers at that, and Helen plasters her best smile on, ready to be under the constant scrutiny of the public. 

“We do have a surprise for you, but before, let’s get everyone introduced, shall we?” James’ puts his hands together, and everyone sits up straight.

“Helen, you are our Bachelorette for this season,” Helen nods at that, “Can you describe how you are feeling?”

Helen takes a second to herself, trying to put her thoughts straight. Even after all these years spent in front of a camera lens, her anxiety still unnerves her at the most inopportune moments. But she’s nothing if not professional, so she schools her face in an amused expression.

“To be perfectly honest, James, I’m overwhelmed,” Helen smiles at the camera, “I’m so grateful to be here right now, that all these wonderful individuals want to be here to consider the potential of a relationship with me.” She notices a hazel-eyed boy smiling kindly at her, which helps her with the anxiety a little, and she speaks into the camera, “and I’m so proud of the fact that America chose me as their Bachelorette, and I sincerely hope I can do your love justice.”

The audience erupts into loud applause and cheering for Helen.

“Now, for introductions, Helen, these are our ten bachelors, ten of the amazing eligible bachelors competing for your hand.” James pauses to turn at her.

“Is there enough place for one more on that couch?”

Everyone turns to look at the owner of the voice.

“Magnus!” Helen exclaims happily.

\---------------------------------------------

The crowd turns the heads at the same time the contestants look up at the entrance at the end of the audience seats.

Magnus revels in the attention. _ They can’t look away, of course they can’t, I’ve made sure they wouldn’t. _

He snaps up at Helen calling his name. _ She looks beautiful, _ he thinks, _ stunning, sophisticated, filled with measured risks. Yet, there’s a hint of fire underneath that sophistication, fire that burns as white as the platinum blond curls of her hair, fire that reveals she isn’t a stereotyped ‘dumb blond’, but a soul full of life, and love. Clear headed, poised, Helen’s as close to perfection as people can get. But do I deserve even a speck of it? _

“What’s Magnus doing here?” Helen faces James, confused at the events happening in front of her.

“Surprise!” Magnus says, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically, and walks down to the stage, steps slow enough for everyone to take a good look at him, but fast enough for him to reach the stage in time for James to walk up to him from his seat.

“Everyone, please welcome, our mystery guest, our trump card, the Glitter God himself. Magnus Bane!”

“Ah James, you flatter me,” Magnus shakes hands with him, and then proceeds to the couch where all the other contestants are seated.

“Magnus, it’s a pleasure!” Helen gives him a true smile, making him smile in turn.

“Trust me Helen, the pleasure’s all mine.”

Magnus looks around for a place to sit, but the only one available is next to-

_ WOW! _

_ Dark hair that makes his pale skin stand out even more, hazel eyes that looks like an entire galaxy got trapped in those irises, legs for days! _

“May I sit here?”

Hazel-eyes gapes at that, and scrambles away to make a seat for Magnus.

_ Of course I’d come out to have a good time with the calm, poised one, and honestly get attacked by the shy disaster. _

“Magnus Bane, I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced?” Magnus sticks out his hand.

Hazel-eyes turn panicked, and after a few moments, he answers in a voice that makes Magnus smile like a smitten teenager.

“Al-Alec.”

After a few moments of staring, hazel-eyes, _ Alec _, stammers, “We should ah-probably-ah-” gesturing at the rest of the people on the stage who are introducing themselves to Helen.

_ Right, Helen! _

“Right, we should join the others.” Magnus decides to revisit this conversation later.

Alec smiles dopily at Magnus, and then abruptly turns away, as if remembering something.

Magnus decides to let it go, and focuses on the other contestants. _ Well, tries to anyway. _

There’s Michael Whitegraves, the gym instructor, and fitness enthusiast who owns a gym chain in LA, Harvey Cartwright, the event planner, Alfred Dearborn, the cardiologist, Emil Pangborn, the entrepreneur, Sebastian Verlac, the restaurateur, Jonathan Morgernstern, the industrialist, Rajwabardhan Chowdhury, the architect, Victor Aldertree, the lawyer, and Meliorn Seelieson, the actor/singer. And of course, there’s Magnus and Alec, the fashion god and the law professor at NYU, respectively.

This year’s contestants hail from varied arrays of occupations, which amuses Magnus. James then turns to Magnus, asking him to say his piece, since he wasn’t there when the other contestants said theirs.

“Magnus, why is it that the king of _ Bane _ fashion empire needs a consort now?”

Magnus arches an eyebrow at that.

“Well first, James, and Helen, please feel free to tell me if I am overstepping my bounds, she’s not anyone’s consort, she’s the queen of her own empire.” Helen’s smile shines brighter than the spotlights shining on them at that statement. To his credit, James looks a bit flustered.

“And to answer your poorly framed question, I’m a romantic at heart, but I’ve fallen for too many wrong people, for reasons that were simply not enough in hindsight. But, I know her, and I respect and admire her, in every way possible, and if there is a chance of us happening, well I will fight for it.” Magnus intends to finish with a look and smile at Helen, but ends up smiling at Alec, who in turn seems to find his face the eighth wonder of the world.

“Well,” James drawls theatrically, “Is your admiration strong enough to battle all these gentlemen?”

Magnus chuckles softly, then turns serious, “well, no one says love is easy. But you know James,” he touches his silver serpent ear cuff, a wicked smile on his face, “I do love a challenge.”

The crowd claps at the loudest they can, making Magnus smile, and he looks at Helen to find her smiling back at him. But it’s the hazel in Alec’s eyes, filled with fondness, desire, and curiosity, that tugs at Magnus’ heartstrings, making it impossible to ignore the blushing man sitting next to him.

Not that he wants to ignore him anyway.

But, they are reaching the end of the show, and the actual Rose Ceremony is about to start in five minutes, when Magnus feels the usual tug of insecurity in the back of his mind.

_ Is she going to choose me? What if she doesn’t? What if I’m too flashy for her? I know she likes me as a friend, but maybe she doesn’t want such a flamboyant person as her life-partner. I wouldn’t blame her, it is her choice after all. And-and I was prepared to live out my life alone anyway, this was just a gambit. _

_ Wonder if it’s the same for everyone here. What is it for Alexander? Alec, right. Though Alexander suits him more, you know. Regal, royal, thoughtful, reserved, and beautiful. _

“Gentlemen, when Helen calls out your name, please step forward. Helen, whenever you’re ready.” James gestures at the ten roses displayed on a beautiful silver tray in front of her.

Helen then starts calling out names. Magnus’ heart rate picks up with each name.

“Meliorn, would you accept this rose?” “Of course, Helen.”

_ One down, nine to go. _

“Victor, would you accept this rose?” “Yes, Helen.”

_ Two down, eight to go. _

“Emil, would you accept this rose?” “It would be my pleasure.”

_ Three down, seven to go. _

“Alfred, would you accept this rose?” “Absolutely.”

_ Four down, six to go. _

“Raj, would you accept this rose?” “Thought you’d never ask.”

_ Five down, five to go. _

“Jonathan, would you accept this rose?” “Of course.”

_ Six down, four to go. _

“Sebastian, would you accept this rose?” “Unwaveringly.”

_ Seven down, three to go. _

“Harvey, would you accept this rose?” “Without a question.”

_ Eight down, two to go. _

“Magnus, would you accept my rose?” 

_ Breathe in, breathe out. _

“I would be honoured, darling.”

Magnus takes the rose Helen offers to him, and presses a soft kiss on her cheek, making her smile sweetly. Magnus smiles too, and takes his place with the rest of the men.

That’s when he notices the two people left.

_ Oh no, Alexander! _

_ What if Helen doesn’t choose him? I was really looking forward to knowing him better. Wait, what am I thinking? Anyone worth anything would know better than to pass up on him. And Helen’s a smart woman, of course she wouldn’t do that. _

_ Damn it, he looks like a scared puppy there, he’s gonna be ok, right? _

“There’s only one rose left, and the two gentlemen, Michael and Alec. Helen, take your time.”

“Michael,” Helen speaks, “I’m impressed by your passion for making the world a healthier place, and your dedication to it. I myself am passionate about my work, and I admire that in others as well.”

“Alec, would you please come here?”

Alec walks over to her, determination clear in his gait, and squares his shoulders as he stands in front of her.

“Alec, you have made an intriguing first impression on me. You appear calm and reserved, your words are measured, but,” she breaks into a soft smile, “your words are firm, determined, but gentle. You have a very calming presence, which seems so insignificant, but very few actually have. And you were the first person up on the stage today to smile at me like a true friend, not just someone who wants to marry me.”

“That’s what I want in someone I might end up sharing my life with. A best friend. So, Alec Lightwood, would you accept my rose?” 

Magnus sees relief flood over Alec’s face, but there’s also something else.

_ Disappointment, maybe. But why would he be disappointed to be chosen? _

“Of course. Thank you for considering me, Helen.” Alec takes the rose and gives her a kiss on the cheek, which she takes, gladly.

“Michael, I like you, I do, but I don’t think we’re compatible together. So I have to let you go. Good luck, take care.”

As Helen bids the man goodbye, Magnus darts his eyes back to Alec, who is very intently pulling at the cuff of his purple jacket. Magnus makes a mental note to talk to him later at length, and instead tries to focus on smiling widely when the show ends with the overhead camera getting a wide shot of all the bachelors together.

_ Ok, one Rose Ceremony down, ten more to go. And maybe I’ll even get to know Helen be- is that a tattoo on his neck?! How did I not notice that before? _

Magnus stares at the inked skin poking out of Alec’s shirt collar as he scratches the back of his neck, _ adorably, in Magnus’ totally unbiased opinion. _

_ Tattoos. He has TATTOOS! _

_ Well, in my defence, he also has soulful hazel eyes. They’re distracting me from his freaking tattoos! _

Magnus takes a deep breath. 

_ Crap, I’m screwed. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from 'Fragile World' by Alberto Rosende. So, what do you think? Tell me in the comments or find me on tumblr @just-another-lightwood-bane.


	3. You’re Like The Net Under The Ledge, When I Go Flying Off The Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec runs into Magnus, who is haunted by his own demons. Helen gets a late night visitor. Aline makes an interesting discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I guess this will be the update routine now, once every two weeks, if anyone is interested. What else? Oh, right.   
Happy reading!

“Mr Lightwood, here’re your keys, you’ll be staying in room 1701, our staff will show you the way.” The lovely receptionist,  _ Kaelie _ , Alec notices, gestures him to the elevator.

The Bachelorette production has provided lodging and wardrobe for everyone who made it past the first round, and the grandeur of the lobby of  _ ‘The Seelie Realm’ _ shows why they would choose that particular hotel. The walls are painted a beautiful sage green, with vine designs strewn across them in all bright emerald. At the centre of the circular lobby is a beautiful lily shaped carmine glass centre table. Alec follows the bellboy to the elevator.

_ Oof, wish I could sleep for a week straight. But hey, keep wishing Alec, maybe you can will it into reality.  _

Alec can practically feel his Dad’s stern gaze, saying “Lightwoods are supposed to be the best of the best, you can sleep when you’re dead. And that’s the order.”

_ Ah, the order.  _ His parents’ words are practically laws in their house. 

And as Maryse loves to remind her children, “The Law is hard, but it is the Law.”

_ So much for a long rest. _

As he gets into the elevator, Alec’s mind wanders off, thinking about the shoot.

1, ding.

_ Helen’s nice. Beautiful. Elegant. She loves her company so much. Passionate.  _

2, ding.

_ Michael left. So there’s one less person to compete against. _

3, ding.

_ Damn! How do I even compete against those people. _

4, ding.

_ They’re all so perfect. Successful, handsome.  _

5, ding.

_ Not to mention straight. They actually WANT to marry her, to-to love her. And-and give her everything she deserves. _

6, ding.

_ But, I’m here to compete, for my family. Doesn’t matter what I think, I have to win. Thank God she chose me. I can’t get eliminated after the first ceremony only. Mom and Dad are counting on me. _

7, ding.

_ But, but, Helen. She deserves more. I can’t do this to her. She deserves better. Better than someone who’s doing this-this charade- _

8, ding.

_ Someone like Magnus, maybe. _

_ Magnus is-is- hell I don’t know how to describe him. So beautiful. Like one of Michelangelo’s sculptures. Those eyes. People can get lost in those. He’s so respectful towards Helen, something she deserves. Something she should have. Of course she’s a queen. And he is obviously a king. Of their empires. Not like me. _

_ Helen deserves someone who will shower her with-with love and compliments, and-and who she can happily grow old with. A true partner. A best friend, like she said. _

_ And Magnus- Magnus deserves someone like Helen. Someone who can understand his world. Who can properly appreciate him. Who doesn’t get shy every time someone tries to talk to him. And how do I even-I don’t even wanna be here. I just-I want this to be over. I can’t- _

“Mr Lightwood? Sir?”

Alec lifts his head up to find the bellboy holding the door open for him. “Your floor Sir.”

“Oh yes,” Alec tries to swallow the panic down. “Thanks. Uh-uh here,” he goes to tip him.

“Thank you, Sir.” The man then leaves him in front of his room, just round the corner.

There’s only one other suite on the floor.  _ Perks of being one of the most eligible bachelors, I guess. _

Alec puts the key in and twists it, pushing the door open. 

A gush of cold air greets him, a shiver running down his spine.

_ You’d like to think seeing an empty place wouldn’t bother me, especially after all these years. Izzy likes to ask me if it does. _

_ I tell her no, you know, like a liar. _

_ Well, no can do. Better get used to this, Lightwood. Not like miracles are happening left and right. _

Alec goes to the bedroom, an empty four poster bed with cream sheets welcoming him.

_ Well, at least the bed’s comfy. _

A chill runs down his spine, Alec shivers a little. He has always been a little colder than other people, even during fall. Izzy likes to tease him about his holey sweaters and scarves,  _ but hey, they’re practical. _

_ Seriously, what’s up with the heating here?! I’m shivering. Where’s the suitcase? Wait, did they bring my suitcase up? _

Alec goes to check the closet. _ _

_ Nope, nothing in the closet. _

_ Except me of course. _

_ Damn it! After a whole day of running around and stressing, I can’t even fall asleep! Shit, what if they mistake my luggage for someone else’s?  _

Cursing out loud, Alec sprints to the elevator. His steps are ragged, his body already taking toll of the day’s emotional stress, aching for sleep.

Just as the elevator is about to close, Alec heard a voice calling out to hold the door.

_ No, not A voice.  _

_ THE voice. _

_ Smooth, warm, confident, elegant. Like someone mixed all the seven wonders of the world together and then decided that it wasn’t enough, so proceeded to add- _

“Thank you so much! Oh Alexander! It’s you.” Magnus’ eyes glint under the neon lights of the elevator, his smile making Alec’s heart beat faster.

_ Those are beautiful, aren’t they? _

“Going down?” 

“Wha-what?” Alec stammers.

“Going to the lower floors, Darling?” Magnus gives Alec an amused smile.

“Lobby” is all Alec manages to squeak out.

_ He’s standing right next to me! _

_ HE CALLED ME DARLING! _

_ Okay Lightwood, be cool. Do NOT screw up. Don’t, just don’t. _

“What are you doing on my floor Alexander?” Magnus gives Alec a curious look.

_ Wait. Hold the fuck up. No. No, no no no no. _

_ HIS floor?! _

“Your-um-your floor?” Alec just doesn’t believe his ears.

“Yes, I’m in 1700. Why?” Alec’s eyes widen.

“I’m-um-in-in 1701.” Alec feels his throat close up.

“Oh really?” Magnus’ face lights up. “Well, guess we’re neighbours then, for the time being.”

The elevator dings as it reaches the lobby. Magnus gets out first, turning to face Alec.

“Good night Alexander. See you around.”

Alec stands in the elevator, frozen on the spot.

Alec’s face lights up in a lopsided dazed grin.

_ Yay, he’s across the hall from me! _

Realization dawns, and Alec’s eyes widen, and the grin vanishes, eyebrows vanishing in the mop of his raven hair, unruly from all the time he runs his hand through it.

_ Oh no, he’s across the hall from me! _

\--------------------------------------------

Magnus stands in front of the fountain in the hotel garden, taking deep breaths. This hotel is one of the places he and Camille came very often, so the once-sweet memories flooding his brain are leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

He was going to stay in, but the walls seem to engulf all of him. Every time he stands in the balcony, he can feel her scorning him, standing beside him, swaying her blond ponytail back and forth.

_ You think you can win Helen Blackthorn? Oh Magnus, you’re so naive! It’s off-putting, Darling. Helen will take one look at you and she’ll throw you aside for someone better. _

_ I mean, have you looked at yourself? _

_ You dress like a peacock strutting around, a madman trying to assert his sanity. You don’t deserve Helen.  _

_ You cry and drink yourself to sleep on the anniversary of your mom’s death. Helen doesn’t want a crybaby. And, on that note, who wants to marry the son of a man who murdered his wife in cold blood? While his six-year-old watched, I might add? _

_ Oh Magnus, no one wants to love you. No one can love a man like you, especially when you are the way you are. _

Magnus can feel her green eyes boring into his skull, drilling a hole in his head with her patronizing gaze, guarded with a lovely tinge of concern.

_ No one wants you. No one ever will. _

Magnus takes a deep breath, swallowing hard. He tries to find his jacket, to get out of the room. 

_ I’m suffocating. I need air. _

He sees the cravat in the side pocket of his suitcase, the one he bought to match Camille’s dress in this year’s Met Gala. A beautiful shade of blood-red ruby. It mirrors the ruby necklace he got her to wear with her gold dress, with an inscription on the inside.

_ Amor. Love. The love of my life, I thought. _

_ What a love, indeed! _

Magnus can still hear her voice wafting through their shared hotel room, where he first saw her in the very familiar, very intimate position with that English model, Ralph Scott.

_ “Ralph! Please! Oh, Ralph!” _

_ He was so shocked that his feet were planted on the floor, and not until Camille had opened her eyes and looked straight into his eyes, her eyes lustful and carefree, he managed to gain his bearings. _

_ He had stormed out, fuming, humiliated and heartbroken. He’d spent the entire day at the hotel bar, checking for flights available, and booked the first one he could find, planning to leave at the first chance he could grab. _

_ He thought about leaving behind the stuff he left in the room, but that also contained several of his newest designs, his passport and visa, and some of the mementos he kept to remind him of his closest friends. So he finally decided to pay one last visit to the woman he’d thought he would’ve married one day. _

_ He’d found Camille draped over the bed, in her sheer purple dressing gown, turning pages of the latest issue of Vogue leisurely. _

_ Looking at the bed seemed to only instigate his anger, his humiliation, and his heartbreak. So he decided to simply take his stuff and leave, not bother speaking to her. _

_ But just as he packed everything up, Camille had called him out, in her sickly sweet tone, the same tone that once made him smile, now simply made him feel the daggers she drove down his back. _

_ “Magnus, sweetie, what’s all this?” _

_ He had stood his ground, refusing to turn around, to even acknowledge her. _

_ “Magnus, speak up. Where are we going? Have you planned me another impromptu trip to Paris?” _

_ Magnus had turned around at that, incredulous at her cheerful tone. What was she talking about?! _

_ “Camille, I haven’t planned you anything. I-I thought you made your stand clear.” Magnus struggled to keep his voice even, pent up emotions threatening to spill at every word. _

_ “What stand? Sweetheart, what are you talking about?” Camille had looked confused, then cheering up the next moment, “Oh we’re roleplaying, I see. Wait, let me get ready. I love when you get creative for us.” She clapped her hands together, then started to get up. _

_ “Are you serious right now? There is no ‘us’ Camille. Not anymore.” Magnus tried hard to rein in his emotions. “You destroyed every chance of it when you slept with that model.” _

_ “Oh that. Is that what this is all about?” Camille had made it sound like she was talking to a five-year-old throwing a temper tantrum. “Baby, please tell me you’re not upset because of that silly matter.” _

_ “Silly? Is that what you think this is? Camille you cheated on me! In our hotel room! In front of me!” _

_ “Magnus dear,” Camille had cooed. “Please tell me you didn’t think that you were the only one.” _

_ Magnus had made his leave at that. He could hear Camille yelling after him. _

_ “Magnus Bane! You self-righteous prick! You’ll come back to me one day! You’ll see that no one in this world wants you! You will break your sad little heart and you will come crawling back to me! Because only I could ever put it back together! I’m the only one who ever cared about you Magnus! You’ll see!” _

The wet fabric of his jacket makes Magnus realize that he has been standing in the middle of his suite for a while now, tears streaming down his face. Even after eight months, the wound she made in his heart is still fresh, turning into gangrene slowly day after day.

He is out of the room before he even realizes, his feet having a mind of their own.

Then the face he last expected to see greets him in the elevator.

Alexander Lightwood.

With those shifty hazel eyes filled with wonder, Alec stammers through every question Magnus asks.

Magnus takes away only three things from that conversation.

_ First, it’s very easy to make Alec blush. _ Magnus looks forward to doing that many more times.

_ Second, Alec looks like an angel while blushing. Truth be told, he looks divine all the damn time. _

_ And the last one, Alec is just across the hall from him. _

As Magnus walks to the fountain in the hotel garden, his mind backtracks to the man in the elevator.

_ Alexander.  _

_ He looks so open, it’s refreshing after being betrayed as many times I have in my life.  _

_ He is also my neighbour for the next two months. _

_ He doesn’t talk much, does he? Not the typical strong, silent type either. He’s mysterious, but that seems like a beautiful mystery, the one he lets only the most intimate people in on. _

_ And he smiles so beautifully. Like all the stars in the sky decided to come together to dazzle the one he’s smiling at. He should smile more, people can easily fall in love with that smile. _

_ But he wasn’t smiling when he got the rose. Why? _

_ Why was he not happy when he got the rose? Like he was hoping to stay, but if he were to be let go, he would be relieved. _

_ What’s his burden? Those eyes seem like he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. _

_ Should I ask him? Maybe I can help him. _

Magnus shakes his head, trying to throw the idea off.

_ No, Magnus, stop getting ahead of yourself. Stay within your limits. Just because he seems like a good person, doesn’t mean he wants you getting nosy in his business. _

When Magnus does make it back to his room, he heads straight to bed, his head filled with questions about the hazel-eyed boy in the other suite, nerves calmer than they were when he left. Plopping down on his peach sheets, he sleeps better than he has in months.

\--------------------------------------------

Knock, knock.

Helen glances at the clock, her face scrunches up noting the time in the emerald green dial.

A quarter to eleven.

_ Who’s here knocking at my hotel door at this time? _

She stands up, putting the well-worn copy of _Harry_ _Potter And The Sorcerer’s Stone_ down, and checks through the eye-hole in the door. _Better safe than sorry._

Of all the people she thought of being on the other side of that door, the face she sees is completely unexpected.

_ But not unwelcome of course. _

“Aline!” Helen practically beams, “what are you doing here so late?”

Aline looks Helen up and down, taking in her owl-print indigo pyjamas, and t-shirt with Ravenclaw crest in the middle of it.

Helen smiles sheepishly, remembering her outfit, “I thought I’d turn in for the night, and uh-”she motions at the shirt, “I’m a bit of a fangirl.”

Aline smiles at the woman in front of her. Never in a million years did she expect to see someone so sophisticated and fashionable as Helen in Harry Potter pyjamas.

_ She looks so cute in those pyjamas. Wait, she’s wearing pyjamas! _

_ Of course it’s late for her! Penhallow, you idiot! She was getting ready for bed. Not everyone is a night owl like you dumbass!  _

“I just wanted to talk to you about the next shoot. But, damn, I didn’t realize it was so late. Perks of working odd hours,” Aline shrugs. “I can come back tomorrow.”

Just as Aline turns to leave, Helen catches her wrist. “No, please. Stay, I don’t mind.”

Aline doesn’t move for the spot, not so much because of what the other girl says, mostly because her head pretty much stops working when she feels Helen’s hold on her wrist.

_ Her hands are so soft, like an Angel! _

_ Focus on the important parts Penhallow!  _

_ She’s holding my wrist! _

“Uh, um, uh,'' Aline opens her mouth to say something, then closes it promptly.

“Oh of course! Sorry!” The blonde quickly withdraws her hand, and somehow Aline feels the emptiness around her wrist too sharply.

“I’m so sorry!” Helen smiles apologetically, “would you like to come in?”

Seeing the other one nod at that, Helen moves out of the doorway, letting Aline in.

_ Pull yourself together Blackthorn! What the hell were you thinking grabbing her wrist? Stop screwing around! _

“Would you ah- would you like some water?” she asks instead, while Aline stands awkwardly in the drawing room.

“Yes, please, thank you.”

“One water, neat. Coming right up.” Helen smiles, and Aline relaxes a little. 

“Oh and Aline?”

“Yes Helen?” The raven-haired girl turns around to face the blonde.

“You can sit you know, contrary to popular belief, sofas don’t bite.” Helen pretends to offer a piece of closely-hidden wisdom to her, making Aline laugh.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” says Aline, completely at ease now.

Helen comes back with two glasses of water, and sits down beside Aline, folding her legs underneath her, while Aline sits cross-legged on the sofa, facing each other.

“So,” Helen drawls, “what’s up?”

“I wanted to tell you about the next date activity.” Aline offers up, surprising Helen.

The contestants aren’t supposed to know about any date activity before the actual day, to maintain true reactions, not even the Bachelorette. That’s what the rules said when she signed the waiver sheet, before joining the show.

“I thought we weren’t supposed to know?” Helen sounds confused.

“You aren’t,” Aline looks down at her lap, before continuing quietly, “but I wanted to let you know.”

“Why?”

“Because I thought it might help you to prepare better.” The answer does nothing to clarify Helen’s confusion.

“Prepare? For what?”

“The date. It’s an ice-cream date.” Aline looks straight into her eyes, brown eyes boring into jade ones, “I didn’t want you to worry again. Or be caught off guard.”

Helen stares at Aline for a minute, then takes her hand.

“Thank you, Aline. Thanks for thinking about me. That means so much to me. I-I just, I don’t do well in front of people. You probably think I’m lying because I literally work with so many people all day, how could I ever-”

“No I don’t,” Aline smiles at Helen, “if you have difficulty with people, then I’ll try to help any way I can. You don’t need to explain anything.”

Helen simply stares at her open-mouthed.

“Helen, listen to me,” Aline leans in, capturing all of Helen’s attention now, “just because we work with people the whole day, does not mean we like spending time in a crowd. Just because your work is centred on people, doesn’t mean in your personal time, you have to be too.”

“Thank you,” the blonde replied quietly, her eyes filled with tears, “thank you for saying that. My parents were the only other ones to understand.”

Aline says nothing, simply urging Helen to empty her heart to her, trying to soothe the pain a little for the kind, compassionate girl.

“I-I,” Helen sniffles, “I told my parents about this, when they asked me to join them for a gala couple years back. I told them how I get anxious, and I start overthinking stuff. They-they just hugged me, and-and said it’s okay, and that they loved me. They even brought home ice-cream for me, on their way back.”

“And, I can’t talk about this stuff to my siblings. I mean, they would understand, and support me, of course, but I'm the big sister, I’m supposed to be the one taking care of them.” Helen waves her hand around aimlessly.

“You don’t want to burden them,” Aline offers up, and Helen nods.

“Exactly.”

“Well, when you want, if you want, you can talk to me,” she smiles, “always.”

Helen looks at her again, seemingly trying to find something.

_ Aline Penhallow. Where have you been my whole life? _

Helen clears her throat before smiling, “Thanks for telling me. Now at least I’ll try to have a good ice-cream scoop out of this date, if everything fails.”

“Ice cream IS the best food,” Aline voices her agreement, “How did everyone seem?”

“Well, Harvey kept telling me that blue should not be anyone’s first choice, and gold is always a safe play in any event. Alfred kept trying to give me a heart check-up. Emil, Raj, Sebastian and Jonathan kept trying to one up each other in regaling me with the, frankly, boring stories of their businesses. And Victor kept telling me why my very ‘feminine’ profession makes me a perfect candidate for his wife.” Helen finishes making air quotes with her hands.

“Oof, that’s rough.” Aline flinches.

“Yeah tell me about it,” Helen says, taking a sip of her water, “The only ones who actually treated me like another human being are Meliorn, Magnus and Alec.”

_ And you, _ Helen thinks, but doesn’t say out loud.

“So guess who I’m not sitting next to in any date?”

“Huh”, Aline places a hand on her chest dramatically, drawing a sharp breath, “Please tell me it’s not Victor! However else would you find someone to appreciate your ‘feminine’ qualities?” Aline rolls her eyes, sarcasm clear in her voice.

“Don’t even joke about it,” Helen visibly shudders at the memory of the cringey conversation she shared with the man.

Aline chuckles, then noticing the time, jumps up from the couch.

“Oh my God it’s almost midnight! I’m so sorry I kept you up so late! I should leave.”

“It’s okay Aline,” Helen smiles, “I liked staying up late with you. There aren’t many people I like talking to, and you are one of those few, hope you don’t mind.”

“Do you see me complaining?” Aline gives her a sideways smile, “Well then, off to bed. Sleep well, Blackthorn.”

“Dream sweet, Penhallow.”

When Aline finally gets out of the hotel and gets into her car, she takes a deep breath.

_ She liked staying up with me. _

_ She likes talking to me. _

_ I like talking to her too. _

_ I like talking to her. _

_ I like her. _

_ Wait. _

_ I like her! _

_ I LIKE HER! _

_ Shit! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from the song 'Something I Need' by One Republic.
> 
> Thoughts?  
Tell me in the comments or find me on tumblr @just-another-lightwood-bane


	4. I Can't Sleep, Cause Thoughts Devour, Thoughts Of  You Consume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus battle their demons, and start a friendship. The ice cream date takes place. Aline falls a little more for Helen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I'm a week late, but I was on family vacation. Yes the views were amazing, and yes the rest of the trip was horrible. Anyway, we're back on schedule now! 
> 
> Happy reading!

Alec stands in front of the washroom mirror, his eyes boring into his own face, well specifically, his own jaw. Yesterday’s events are playing in a loop in his mind.

He grips the sink tighter, his knuckles turning white as he turns over the memories one more time. How he got to his hotel room, and he found out that Magnus is just down the hall from him.

He has avoided Magnus like the Black Plague, avoided going out altogether actually, ordering in and reading books to pass the time, save for the hours he’s spent at the archery range near the hotel. He’ll be forever thankful to every higher power that exists in this universe for his siblings, he doesn’t know what he would’ve done if Jace hadn’t told him about the place just a couple blocks down the hotel.

Especially after yesterday.

Izzy called early in the morning, demanding to know his location and hotel room number, just so she could stomp in and demand that he withdraw from the competition. Only his stern voice and promise to never talk to her if she did so had persuaded her to refrain from it, though he’s not sure for how long. Fierce determination and a desire for doing whatever it takes to achieve their goals have long been a part of the psyche of every Lightwood woman.

But Jace had called right after, and informed him about the range, and before Alec could ask why he might need to go to archery during the competition, his call had been intercepted by his mother.

Alec takes deep breaths as Maryse’s voice still rings in his ear, his hold on the sink now shaky, his hands trembling, eyes glassy. Maryse’s campaign manager had intercepted his call to Jace, and demanded that he call his mother immediately.

Like the obedient son Alec is, he had promised to talk to Jace later, and hung up, dialling the number of his mother’s office. No one except his little brother Max and her campaign manager has her personal number, not even Alec. He had been placed on hold for eight minutes and fifty three seconds. He knows because he’s been counting, a habit he picked up since getting panic attacks over phone calls ever since he had to inform his parents about his grades as they were visiting different states for work. As he counted the seconds, he braced himself for his mother.

But of course, that didn’t always help. Just because you go through something a lot, doesn’t mean it still won’t hurt. He has only gotten better at hiding the shaky voice, and the deep breaths he takes during each call to his parents. 

But just because someone doesn’t notice you breaking apart, doesn’t mean you are not.

_ “Last place, Alec! The last rose!” the graveness in Maryse’s voice shakes Alec to his core, his deepest insecurities rise up from deep inside his head where he buries them everyday before going to bed. Alec swallows hard, forcing them down, and answers his mother, “I’m sorry, Mom.” _

_ “Your apology is of absolutely no use to me,” Maryse replies back instantly, and Alec bites his cheek hard enough that he gets a metallic taste. _

_ “Next time, get a better result than this.” The finality in Maryse’s voice sounds true and clear, leaving no room for arguments. _

_ Not that Alec would ever argue against his parents over something that is obviously his fault. _

_ I should have tried harder. _

_ I will. This time I will try harder. I have to. _

_ His attention is again captured by his mother’s voice coming out of the phone, a shift in her tone, as she says, “How is the hotel?” _

_ “It’s nice.” _

_ “It better be. You’re a Lightwood. Nothing except the best of the best,” Maryse reminds Alec, who nods as though he’s standing in front of her, even though she can’t actually see him. _

_ “And Alec?” _

_ “Yes Mom?” Alec straightens up, fearing more rebukes coming his way. But Maryse’s voice on the phone sounds vulnerable, uncharacteristically so. _

_ “You know that after the scandal about the Circle, this is the only immediate positive press we could’ve gotten in a while,” Maryse continues, vulnerability still lingering in her voice, “Me and your father, we trust you. I know you’ll make us proud.” _

_ “Thanks Mom,” is all Alec manages, his voice quiet, thankful to her for believing in him. _

Maryse hung up after that, and Alec simply sat down right on the spot he was standing on. His vision had gone blurry and he simply had let the tears fall down, not crying, just letting the overwhelming moment pass.

_ Crying’s not gonna do any good anyway. _

After an hour, when he could finally see clearly, he had picked up his bow and quiver, and half-walked, half-ran to the range. He had spent four hours there, nocking and firing arrow after arrow, letting his mind centre a little bit at a time as every arrow hit bull’s-eye.

His mind had wandered away in the familiar motion he has been repeating since he was nine years old.

_ Mom and Dad need me. I need to win. _

_ But I can’t make Helen happy. _

_ But Mom and Dad’s campaign.... _

And as it happens a lot of the time now, his mind had wandered off to Magnus.

_ Magnus, with his enchanting smile. _

_ And his magical eyes. _

_ And the odd fashion choices that shouldn’t work. Yet somehow makes him look other-worldly beautiful. _

_ Magnus who looked at Alec like he’s a treasure he found, the only one he’s ever found, the only one he’ll ever find. _

When the Archery range manager had called Alec out of his lane, Alec didn’t even notice the bruises on his hand from gripping the bow too tight, the aches in his muscle from firing endless arrows.

He only felt more centred than before, more in control.

He had gotten to the hotel well after dark. His body aching all over, and he decided to forego dinner, and went straight to bed.

_ Well not so straight, seeing he dreamt about SOMEONE’S gold-green eyes. _

_ Welp, we don’t have time to unpack all of that! _

_ Especially when I have to be at the studio in two hours. And I can’t find my razor. _

Alec has always remained clean-shaven his entire life. A rule, _ well let’s be fair, a Law, _implemented by Robert in the Lightwood household, that all the males shouldn’t have a beard, or even a stubble.

Something about the psyche of the public being affected by the metaphorical clean image seeing a literal one.

But Alec needs to shave almost every day, thanks to his hair growing at a frankly obscene rate. And he can’t be shaved by someone else.

It’s weird, but it’s a fear that has gotten ingrained in him since Jace tried to practice his shaving skills on Alec, and somehow ended up scarring his left eyebrow, a scar that is still there, even 19 years later.

_ Speaking of Jace, wish he was here, I could’ve borrowed his razor then. _

_ Maybe I can ask Magnus. _

_ Riiiiiight. _

Even in his head, Alec’s inner voice eyerolls at him.

_ I’ve known him exactly how long? Two days! I can’t just go ask him for a razor! _

_ It’s just a razor, _Alec tries to reason with his own brain.

_ It’s not like I’m asking him to share his toothbrush with me. _

_ Like anyone sane should do that. Anyway, let’s get down to business. _

_ You’re not defeating Huns, Lightwood! Just go ask the magical man for his razor! _

_ I’m going, I’m going. _

_ To ask him out? _

_ Lightwood! You’re on thin ice! _

_ Fine! Fine! _

And this is why Alec is currently standing in front of room no 1700.

_ Maybe this is a bad idea. _

_ Why would he even lend him his razor? _

_ He’d probably think I’m stupid that I forgot my own. _

_ I shouldn’t bother him. He’s probably busy. Of course he is. He’s got better work to do than play knight in glittery armour for me. _

_ Maybe I can white-knuckle it through a shave from the make-up artists. _

_ I should leave. _

Just as Alec turns to leave, the door flings open.

“Alexander?”

\---------------------------------------------

Magnus hadn’t been able to get a lot of sleep the night before. Tossing and turning every few minutes, and not just because he is used to much higher thread count.

It’s just....memories have been chasing him ever since he stepped in this hotel. This hotel is practically a scrapbook of his heartbreaks. Every nook and cranny reminds him of all the times Camille stepped on his heart with her favourite red Louboutin heels.

The first time, he had arranged an eight-course-meal, hired a private jazz band, decorated an entire hotel suite single handedly. He had known Camille’s love for extravaganza and expensive things, so he got a solid gold replica of his key to the loft in Brooklyn made for her to wear as a pendant.

He was going to give it to her after dinner, and ask her to move in with him, but she never showed up. Magnus had waited for six hours, and after the clock struck 2 o’clock, he had turned to go to sleep with a broken heart. Camille had called three nights later, drunk, and partying in Hawaii, to tell him that he’s too domestic for her.

After that, they got together again. After five months, he had brought her back in the same hotel, and thought about asking her to start a family with him, through pregnancy or adoption. He had been thinking about it ever since Catarina adopted her daughter Madzie, and Magnus has always wanted little kids of his own he could spoil rotten with hugs and kisses, and literally the whole world if they wish for it.

But before he could even ask her, during dinner, she had pointed out how having a child had made a fellow model of hers ‘soft’, as she described it, and how in the cutthroat world of Fashion, there was no place for a child in her life. Then she had pointed her fork at Magnus, and laughed, that at least she wouldn’t have to worry about that with Magnus.

_ “This is why you, Magnus, are the perfect person for me,” she comments, while cutting her salmon up, “You wouldn’t ever ask me such disastrous things.” _

_ Magnus swallows thickly, “Why wouldn’t I?” _

_ “Why would you?” Camille regards him like he just sprouted another head, “Darling, your father was a cult leader. And,” Camille talks to him like she is explaining to a five year old, “He killed your mother when she tried to take you and leave. In front of you, if I might add.” _

_ Magnus simply stares at her, his mouth open, his mind blank. Those memories are his most heavily guarded secrets, and to have them discussed, so openly, yet so casually, it’s a lot to take. _

_ “Shouldn’t you be afraid of screwing it up as a father?” _

That was the last sentence he had paid any attention to, before his mind became a foggy mess of regret, shame, and self-blame. He had turned in for the night. When he woke up, Camille had already left for her photoshoot.

The painful memory has made Magnus’ heart ache. He wanted to call Catarina, but his mind betrayed him. 

For once, he wants to get through this alone. Not because his friends wouldn’t barge in if he calls even once, but mostly because he doesn’t want to be around people right now.

And one of the best features of ‘The Seelie Realm’ is that they don’t disturb people unless it's an absolute emergency, so Magnus has stayed free from interruptions all day.

And as it happens in days like these, his mind wandered off.

Magnus thinks about his life, how he worked inhumanly, to build his empire, how he met Camille, who broke his heart, with her sickly sweet voice stabbing him with every word, how he decided to enter the competition. He thinks about Helen, with her kind smile and fierce eyes.

And then, his mind finds its destination in the hazel-eyed boy next door apparently.

_ Alexander. _

_ With those hazel eyes sparkling with curiosity and wonder. _

_ And that easy smile every time I make a joke. _

_ And that beautiful pink blush, every time I make an even remotely flirty comment. _

_ Alexander, with hair sticking up here and there. _

_ With hidden neck tattoos. _

_ And stammering through a sentence. _

Magnus wonders what Alec is doing right now. _ There’s two hours to go before the studio car picks us up from the hotel, of course he’s getting ready. _

_ He should wear green, or blue. Brings out his eyes. But, of course he would look good in everything. _

_ And he really shouldn’t hide those tattoos. _

_ Maybe I should ask him if he wants to...just talk sometimes. He talks so little. _

_ Maybe I could see if he wants to grab a coffee before the car is here. _

_ Magnus! Don’t be so needy. _

_ But it’s just coffee. _ Magnus rolls the thought over in his head. _ Coffee, just coffee. I don’t think he’ll mind. _

_ And if he does, I can always leave, right? _

Magnus walks to the door quickly, before his mind can change again, and swings the door open with one long pull.

But he’s greeted with a muscular back only. But that mop of hair is unmistakable.

“Alexander?”

_ What is he doing here? _

Alec turns are sheepishly, and freezes as soon as he notices Magnus.

“Wow,” Alec gapes, “You look.... Wow.”

Magnus touches his silver snake earcuff absently, smirking at how shocked Alec is at his attire. He dresses himself to the nines regularly, but on the bad days however, he lets himself get lost in the motion of putting on layers, and the coats of makeup, and picking out jewellery, and accessories. And the last few days have been a direct mail order from hell.

Which means Magnus is dressed in cobalt blue silk shirt with a deep cut that shows off his expanse of smooth chest, framed by three of his favourite silver chains, one having a cat’s eye pendant, dangling over his chest. He has opted for a deep burgundy velvet frock coat, with tassels at the end, and black silk pants, tight enough to show off his muscles. He has chosen silver eyeshadow and black kohl, with silver streaks in his hair. Several heavy rings framing his lean fingers, and his trusty silver snake ear cuff in his left ear, and opting for Versace boots to finish off his look.

His look, which currently has the man in front of him have what seems like a panic attack from an outsider’s point.

“Alexander? You okay?” Magnus asks, concerned, because the look on Alec’s face falls somewhere between ‘Holy shit’ and ‘Oh God’.

“Uh-I-um-I-uh-” Alec stammers and swallows, and his tongue darts out to lick his lips. Magnus arches his eyebrows at that.

_ Huh, _Magnus thinks, equal parts proud for rendering him to an incoherent mess with his outfit only, and confused so as to why someone like Alec would be in such a state.

“Alexander? Did you want to tell me something?” Magnus decides to help out the poor boy, who by the looks of it could use a reminder about breathing too.

“I just-I uh,” Alec swallows again, much to Magnus’ amusement, “I wanted to ask if you have a spare razor, I-uh-I lost mine,” Alec says sheepishly.

Magnus’ eyes immediately drop to his jaw from his eyes, and Magnus inhales sharply.

_ He has a stubble! Oooh, okay, breathe! _

_ How can I freaking breathe?! The man has a STUBBLE! _

_ And damn if it doesn’t make him look holy motherforking shirtballs levels of amazing! _

But Magnus is nothing if not the epitome of grace and sophistication, so he doesn’t express his inner freak out over the newly bearded Alec in front of him. Instead he says, “Oh?”

Extremely eloquently and gracefully, in his opinion.

But Alec doesn’t notice his current existential crisis of course, instead bounces on the balls of his feet nervously, and something in Magnus unlocks.

“Of course, I can get you my spare one,” Magnus tries to compose himself, but blurts out, “It’s a shame, you look great with that stubble.”

Alec looks taken aback, and Magnus mentally kicks himself.

_ Raphael’s right! I’m an idiota! _

“Oh,” Alec smiles absently, “I’m just-it’s just-uh-I’m always clean-shaven, so, um-” 

“Alexander, it’s okay, you do you,” Magnus smiles, and Alec relaxes visibly.

“Thanks,” mumbles Alec, and Magnus quickly goes in to get his spare razor.

“Here you go,” he hands it to him, “I’d invite you in, but I know you have to get ready, so, maybe later? Hope you like take out, and hotel food.”

Alec laughs, eyes crinkling, and Magnus’ brain melts at the sight.

“Sure Magnus, see ya,” says Alec, and leaves, still smiling.

Magnus stands frozen on the spot, still replaying his name in Alec’s voice in his mind.

_ Oh God! Holy shit! _

_ I know that was NOT on your list! You idiota! _

_ You have the emotional stability of a chocolate éclair! _

And when Magnus meets up with Alec before going in for the group date activity, a slow grin makes its way to his face as he notices the stubble still on Alec’s jaw.

\---------------------------------------------

Helen had spent a lot of time yesterday trying to concentrate on her favourite book, but even the Ravenclaw edition cover, that always captures her attention, only became a mute backdrop as she ended up thinking about the date.

_ Well, can you blame me? It’s the decision for life. I know divorce exists, but when it comes down to it, I believe that ‘Love once, love fiercely.” _

_ What if people hate me? What if I make a fool of myself in front of the camera? What if I spill ice-cream on my dress? What if I fumble talking to everyone? _

_ Well at least with Victor, Sebastian and Jonathan there, the chances of me talking are nil. Those people can talk! _

_ But what if I- _

Her thought chain is abruptly cut off as the bell rings. She gets up. It’s a half hour till the car arrives. _ Maybe someone has come by to remind me. _

Helen flattens down her seafoam wavy dress, with a single shoulder neckline, hand tracing the metallic vine hair band to check if it’s secure. Satisfied, she goes to open the door, her four inch white Louboutins clicking against the rosewood floor.

But the person on the other side of the door makes her smile absently, shoulders relaxing immediately.

“Aline!” Helen gives the girl a toothy grin, happy seeing her, instead of some stranger.

“Looking good, Blackthorn,” Aline comments, eyes taking in the details of Helen’s outfit, like how she always wears her hair behind her ears, making them look more pointed, how the nude pink of the blush is no comparison to the amazing face Aline has witnessed a day ago, how her jade eyes look amazing framed by the shimmering metallic kajal, and-

“Thank you,” Helen smiles shyly, pulling Aline out of her reverie. Aline curses internally at her own inability to rein in her emotions.

_ Penhallow! Control yourself! _

“You still have a couple minutes, if you, you know-” Aline gestures vaguely, “finish stuff.”

“Nope,” Helen smiles, popping the ‘p’, “All done.”

“Well then, follow me m'lady,” Aline does a very complicated gesture, beckoning to follow her, prompting Helen to burst into a fit of laughter.

Aline feels very proud of herself for being the reason Helen is now shaking with laughter, head thrown back.

_ She’s so beautiful when she laughs, she should always be happy like this. _

_ But she can’t be that happy standing here, not with me. _

_ So I can’t tell her. _

“Shall we?” asks Aline instead, and holds the door open for her.

Helen follows Aline, and just before she’s about to cross the threshold, she takes Aline’s wrist in her hand.

Aline’s sure that if her heart beats any harder, it would’ve been visible to everyone.

\---------------------------------------------

“Welcome to the Bachelorette, I’m your host, James, and today, we have a very special date planned for our lovely Helen,” James gestures at Helen, who smiles at the camera sweetly.

“Helen, before we start our date, I wanted to ask, how are you?”

“I’m great,” Helen smiles, “I’m here, and I’m about to have ten amazing people doting on me. I’m amazing.”

“Of course, please welcome, our Bachelors,”

He gestures to the camera, and on cue, all ten participants walk in. All of them take their place opposite to where James and Helen are standing.

“Well, today’s date is a little more complicated than just a date,” says James, and Helen takes a deep breath.

_ It’s gonna be fine, it’s gonna be okay, it’s just a date, relax. Breathe. _Helen repeats those in her head.

“Today, it’s a group date, that much you all already know,” James continues, “What you don’t know, that this means that all of you will be competing against each other, for a rose, and a one-on-one with Helen too.”

All the contestants are taken aback by this, including Helen.

“A one-on-one date?” Helen asks.

“Yes, well, more like a three-on-one,” James shrugs, “Seeing as only three people can get roses from this competition.”

All of them stare at James, questions clear on their faces.

“It’s an ice cream date!” James declares, and Helen can’t help but smile. Ice cream has been in the background of so many fond memories in her life, and she can’t wait.

“Each of you will place an order for Helen in the ice-cream parlour, and once you’re all done, you will bring those to her. And Helen, you will choose which three of those are your favourites, those three of course, will get roses. And, will be safe in the next Rose ceremony. The rest of you, well, sucks to be you,” James shrugs, and everyone laughs.

After that Helen is ushered to the other side of the ice-cream parlour the entire team has arrived, and the men are allowed in one at a time.

After a while, everyone is called in, one after the other. Helen braces herself for the anxiety attacks.

First one is, Emil. He puts a tray in front of Helen, and rattles off a name in terrible French accent that Helen couldn’t comprehend even if she tried. She smiles politely and takes a spoonful, and has to physically restrain herself from throwing up. Its pickled mango flavoured. She politely dismisses him, and drinks the water in front of her to wash off the taste.

Next one is Alfred, and he brings her a bacon flavoured scoop, and Helen can’t bring herself to take a spoonful even.

Sebastian is the fourth one to come in, and after an eye-watering ghost-pepper from Victor, his serving of pistachio flavour actually is more welcome to Helen than it is normally back home.

Meliorn is the next one, and Helen has never been happier to see cookie dough ice cream before. She happily takes two spoonfuls, and then proceeds to smile freely at the man with a leaf tattoo adorning his left cheekbone, who smiles back.

Of course, that happiness doesn’t last, after a terrible butter-pecan from Harvey, a shuddering pear-and-blue-cheese from Jonathan, Helen has to ask James for a break, just so she can wash the tastes off of her taste buds.

She visits the restroom, and bumps into Aline on the way out.

“Enjoying the date?” Aline smiles at Helen, who feels more relieved by that smile than six times she has splashed water on her face in the restroom.

“Ghost pepper ice cream, Aline, ghost pepper ice cream,” Helen shudders.

“Yup, thought so,” Aline purses her lips and brings out her hands from behind her back, “Which is why I brought you this. Thought you could use it.”

Helen stares at the vanilla scoops of ice cream in the blue bowl in her hands.

“It’s vanilla,” Helen points out.

“I know, it’s pretty tame, compared to what you probably like,” Aline shrugs sheepishly, “but after every flavour you’ve gotten today, I just thought-”

“Vanilla’s my favourite flavour!” Helen almost shrieks and takes the bowl, “Thank you for restoring my faith in humanity.”

Aline regards the girl in front of her stuffing her face with ice cream with a fond smile, and stands there.

“What?” Helen asks, once she notices Aline looking.

“Nothing. Just thinking about how everyone missed it.”

“Missed what?”

“Vanilla,” Aline cocks her head to the side, “Classic, sophisticated, and no-nonsense. Very you.”

“You’re, let me guess,” Helen puts a finger on her chin, “You’re mint-chocolate chip.”

“What sort of sorcery is this?” Aline is truly surprised.

“Ah you see, I read your mind,” Helen shrugs, “I’m a Legilimens.”

“Huh.”

“Hey I take no criticism!” Helen says playfully.

“Oh no critique here,” Aline raises her hands to surrender, “Just wondering why my power Occulmancy didn’t block you out of my mind.”

Helen smiles unabashedly at the Harry Potter reference, happily surprised, because normally people don't get the ones she makes, or are annoyed, or weirded out.

_ But this feels different, liberating. _

_ Aline feels liberating, _Helen realizes.

Just as she is about to say something in return, the director beckons here back to the set. She waves Aline off, and braces herself for more wacky flavours.

The rest of the men come in, one after the other.

Magnus is the first, and Helen smiles at the oreo cookie and cream ice cream in his hand.

“Ah my third favourite ice cream flavour of all time!” Helen exclaims as she takes a large spoonful.

“Third? I thought I’d at least crack second place,” Magnus feigns hurt, but then smiles and hugs her.

“Magnus, you didn’t bring in ghost-pepper, I think you’re good,” assures Helen in a low whisper as she breaks the hug. Magnus gives a sympathetic look, and mouths ‘I’m sorry’, and leaves.

Next up is Raj, who brings in pizza flavoured ice-cream, and all Helen can do is nod and smile, before she sends him off.

Alec is the last one to come in, smiling quietly, and sitting down, before he presents his choice. It’s plain chocolate, with choco chips sprinkles, and Helen actually exhales in relief at the sight of the familiar flavour.

“I know it’s probably very normal, and you probably prefer other ones, but it’s my favourite, so I thought I’d go with the trusty one.” Alec offers up quietly.

“Alec,” Helen looks into his eyes, “Thank you for the lovely thought. And you can’t go wrong with the classics, can you?”

Alec smiles and hugs Helen, and leaves.

After she washes up, everyone is gathered, and the three roses are brought out.

Helen takes a deep breath, and steps up.

“Alec, would you please, come here?” Alec seems surprised by that, but comes forward nonetheless.

“Thank you, for the chocolate ice-cream, I truly enjoyed it. Would you accept my rose?”

“Absolutely,” Alec smiles, and takes the rose, “I’m glad you liked it.”

After Alec moves back, Helen picks out the next rose, which Meliorn gets, and joins Alec.

The third one goes to Magnus, who pecks Helen on the cheek as he takes it, and Helen smiles sweetly.

After the shoot is over, and everyone is taken by the management to be driven back to the hotel, Aline goes to pack up. Her phone rings, and it’s from the mobile operator. She talks to the woman on the phone, and she disconnects it, she notices the red Enterprise symbol on the back of her cover, and Leonard Nemoy holding up the Vulcan symbol of ‘Live Long, and Prosper”.

Normally she would do the sign back at her own phone, which earns her at least one snickered look from the crowd, but this time she is too distracted by Spock’s pointy ears.

_ Helen looks like a fairy with those. _

Just as soon as the thought comes, Aline shakes herself off, trying to shake the thought off as well.

But just as she parks her car in the garage of her apartment building, she looks at the Ben and Jerry’s mint-chocolate chip ice cream tub riding shotgun on her right, Helen’s twinkling jade eyes float into her brain again, and Aline takes a deep breath.

_ I should tell her. _

_ I can’t tell her. _

_ I can’t just keep this up, it’s lying! I can’t lie to someone I- someone I- _

_ Someone I, um-like. _

_ Maybe I should just leave her alone. _

_ But-but- I can’t just leave her to fend those idiots on her own. _

_ Suck it up, Penhallow! For her! _

_ It’s fine. I’ll just stuff all my feelings right here, and then one day, I guess I’ll die. _

Aline glances at the ice-cream again. _ I’m gonna need more ice cream. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from 'War Of Hearts' by Ruelle. 
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> Tell me in the comments or find me on tumblr @just-another-lightwood-bane.


	5. To Not Know Who I Am But Still Know That I’m Good As Long As You’re Here With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disasters strike both on and off camera. But while Magnus and Alec might welcome some of them, Aline and Helen find comfort in each other during tough times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy reading!

_ Okay. Ooh, breathe in, breathe out. _

_ Just three people, that’s not so bad is it? _

_ Who are you kidding Blackthorn? It’s gonna be a freaking nightmare! _

_ Oh God! This is gonna be horrible isn’t it? _

_ What the hell would we even talk about for three hours? _

_ Well, Magnus will be there, so I can talk with him, right? And, Meliorn, well he’s not that hard to talk to, I guess. That leaves Alec, well I can always talk about books with him, and he did mention the first day that he loves them. _

_ Wait, what if I forget how to talk? Or-or they find me so boring that they leave? _

_ Or it is so awkward and cringey that everyone hates me? _

_ What if I fumble? Or spill drinks on me? Or worse, on them?! _

_ Oh God! _

“Stop it.” Helen’s head snaps up at that. She glances at the phone lying on the bed in front of her, muffled distant noises coming out of it.

“I can hear you over-thinking this from the car,” Aline’s voice crackles from the speaker. Helen’s lips melt into a fond smile, and she rolls her eyes.

“And now I can see you rolling your eyes at me.”

“How do you do it? Know what I’m doing?” Helen crosses her legs, shutting off the speakerphone and pressing the phone against her right ear.

“Ah, you see,” Aline grins, “I have the ancient power of Unagi.”

“Ah salmon skin roll! Got it. Didn’t take you for a  _ Friends _ fan, Penhallow,” Helen teases.

“Didn’t take you for a  _ Brooklyn Nine Nine _ fan either, Blackthorn, but here we are.”

The memory of an endless text chain flashes in Helen's mind, and her lips quirk upwards into a smile. But just as soon, the voices in the back of her head returns, and Helen swallows thickly. 

“Hey Aline,” Helen’s voice turns serious, alerting Aline.

“Yes, Helen?”

“What am I gonna do, if, you know, things get bad? If- if I you know, screw up?” Helen asks, her voice quiet. Aline’s heart breaks at the fact that someone as smart, capable and wonderful as Helen has to think ten times before doing something.

_ How can she not see how perfect she is! _

Aline takes a deep breath, and closes her eyes, and she doesn’t even realize when she speaks, until she stops talking.

“You are gonna be amazing. They won’t be able to stop talking to you, stop listening to you, they’re gonna see how brilliant and amazing and perfect you are. And they will be so lucky to be there with you, talking to you, listening to you. And if something still happens, something,  _ anything,  _ if you don’t feel good, if you feel uncomfortable, you walk out of that place, right at that point.”

“But the date-” Helen hesitates.

“Screw the date. If you’re not okay with it? You tell me, and I’ll handle it, I don’t care what happens.”

Aline hears a deep breath over the phone.

“It’s gonna be okay, Helen. And well, you’re gonna look amazing and have amazing food, you can’t exactly go wrong here, y’know,” Aline tries to lighten the situation.

“What if I look horrible? Or the food is horrible?”

“Our last Bachelorette was so proud of herself, she treated all of the crew like trash, and she was drunk most of the time, the rest of the time she was hungover. On every one of her dates, she ended up having the worst ever dress, and horrible food. And you are a literal sweetheart, and the crew loves you so much, you’re gonna be fine.”

“The crew loves me? Why?” 

“Well for starters, you don’t drunkenly yell at the wardrobe department for sending you dresses that cover too much of your ‘goodies’.”

“Oh, so they love me because I’m kind, sober and fully dressed?”

“Title of your sex tape!” Aline smiles excitedly.

“Oh it’s on! Penhallow 1, Blackthorn 0. But I’m gonna get back at you, you know!”

“Looking forward to it! Okay I’ll see you in ten okay?”

“See you!” Helen smiles and hangs up, more relaxed than before.

_ Thank God for Aline Penhallow. _

Back in the front seat of the car, Aline stares fondly at the caller id, Helen’s smiling face staring back at her.

“Yup, ‘ _ only friends, nothing else _ ’ my ass,” Underhill rolls his eyes from the driver’s seat.

“She’s the freakin’ Bachelorette! There are literally men trying to win her over as we speak!” Aline whines, “And, most importantly, she’s straight. But she’s just so awesome, Drew, you would love her! And I just- I just really- she’s one of the best human beings I’ve ever met, Andrew.”

“I’m sorry Lin, but you do know this is a dead end road right? This is only gonna hurt you at the end. I don’t want you to do this to yourself,” Underhill offers an apologetic smile.

“Yeah, I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m doing,” Aline mumbles.

As Aline enters the hotel, she tries to remember why she’s there.

_ That’s easy! I’m here to pick her up. _

_ Really, Penhallow? _

_ Well I’m here to pick her up for a date. _

_ Did you really think that would be better? _

_ Just do your job okay! _

She rings Helen’s door, and when the door opens and Helen smiles. It's that that one smile she seems to have set aside only for her, all her rational thoughts bid her farewell.

_ Damn it, Penhallow! _

\-------------------------------------------

As the limos finally pull up to the set the crew has set up in the Beverly Hills hotel, Alec takes a deep breath. He has been reading up on dates.

_ Yeah, of course I’ll take all the advice I can get, it’s not like I’ve been on one! _

Again, not for the first time in this week, he misses Jace and Izzy, even Simon. His siblings are meddlesome, and nosy, with zero regard for personal boundaries, and always talking, but they are also kind, loving, and helpful, and they would lay down their lives if it meant saving Alec, just as he would do the same for them. And of course, they are highly trained in the so called art of ‘dating’, Jace’s endless ‘book club meetings _ '  _ are not that much of a secret if one is as close as siblings as them.

_ They would probably fuss over his outfit choice,  _ Alec thinks, as he looks down at himself, noticing the dark henley, jacket, pants and combat boots. The fond memory of them bargaining with him to get him to wear a turquoise shirt last Thanksgiving flashes in front of his eyes, and Alec misses them even more.

_ Jace would probably tell me to try to open with a cheesy line. Izzy would tell me to smile more. And Simon would probably tell something like how I look like a- _

“Alexander!” 

All of Alec’s thoughts take an emergency flight out of his mind at that. He whips around and notices the person with the voice. And then he notices the outfit that same person seems to be wearing.

_ Wait how do people breathe again? _

Magnus is wearing a maroon velvet jacket, with black silk button-up shirt underneath it, and the gold buttons run from top to bottom, with black silk pants. There are bright red highlights in his styled hair, and he is wearing black kohl and lightly brushed eyeshadow. And he’s wearing his snake ear cuff in his right ear.

_ Wait, that’s not the correct ear. He’s always wearing it in his left ear, isn’t he? _

“Alexander, like my outfit?” Magnus notices Alec's stare, and smirks. 

“You look good! I mean- not good- I mean you always look good, you just look better right now, not that you don’t look better always- I mean you look beautiful-I just-” Alec rambles on, hands waving, and Magnus decides to help the man out.

_ He’s so adorable sometimes,  _ Magnus thinks. _ Okay, who am I kidding! He looks adorable all the time. _

_ But I should probably stop him before he breaks himself with that rant. _

“Why thank you Alexander!” Magnus' eyes glint with coyness, and Alec gives him a dopey smile, and Magnus is pretty sure he just died and went to heaven. Though he wouldn’t be too surprised if Alec turned out to be an actual Angel though.

“You look dashing yourself, Darling!” Magnus complements before he has a chance to actually think the words over, and honestly, that open black leather jacket stretched over those shoulders, with that charcoal gray henley, looks frankly obscene.

_ Is looking this good even allowed? Shouldn’t there be laws or something against this? And damn that neck tattoo! I just wanna grab that neck and- _

“Why the other ear?”

Magnus’ train of thought screeches to a halt, as he tries to process Alec’s question, while trying not to stare too long at the tattoo.

“What do you mean?” Magnus asks, and Alec gestures at his ear cuff.

_ Oh! That! That other ear! _

“Well,” Magnus gives a sheepish grin, “I thought I was getting too predictable, and I wanted to switch it up a bit, and I find even changing little things can be therapeutically cathartic. Though, I didn’t think anyone would notice this.”

“Well, I- um- I- I notice stuff, that’s all,” Alec shifts on the balls of his feet, “It looks great on both ears actually.”

“Thank you, Alexander,” Magnus offers Alec a soft smile, and Alec can’t help but stare at those gleaming gold-green orbs.

“Mr Bane! Mr Lightwood! Helen and Meliorn are waiting for you both!” One of the crew rushes in, making both of them break eye contact.

“Right, Helen, right! We’ll be right there!” Magnus answers for both of them, and Alec gives him a lop-sided smile, and heads inside.

Magnus takes a deep breath and curses inside his head.

_ Damn that tattoo! _

_ Damn that smile! _

_ Damn that face! _

_ Damn that man! _

_ Damn it Magnus! _

\-------------------------------------------

Both of them are ushered inside the special private room prepared in the Beverly Hills hotel, and Helen immediately gets up from her place to greet them, while Meliorn sends a polite nod in their direction.

“Magnus! It’s so good to see you!” Magnus kisses Helen on her cheek, and she does the same. Alec simply gives her a tight-lipped, but sincere smile, and she pulls him in a half-hug, which he easily returns.

“Meliorn, nice to see you again.”

“And you Magnus.”

“Of course, let’s get started, shall we?” Magnus is the first one to initiate as always, and again, both Alec and Helen are relieved by that fact.

The first course is served, and waiters and waitresses in blue and white uniforms walk in with the dishes in hand. The beautiful purple lined white china plates are soon offered to each of the four of them, with a delicious serving of food on it. 

James joins them after serving is complete, and rattles off a fancy name for the dish they are being served, and tells them to enjoy the meal, and leaves them to be.

Alec simply smiles politely.  _ It looks like tomatoes in wasabi sauce to me. _

“That’s because it is,” Magnus offers in a hushed tone from his seat beside Alec, and Alec simply looks at him with wide eyes.

“You have the same face I made the first time I saw this,” Magnus explains, seeing the clear question in Alec’s face, “Fancy dishes are often simple ones with an overly complicated name attributed to them.”

“So, Helen, what are your hobbies?” Meliorn starts the conversation, and both Magnus and Alec look away from each other to face Helen sitting on the other side of the table.

“Oh I like reading, and gardening sometimes,” Helen replies.

“I like reading too,” Alec adds in a quiet voice.

“Yeah you told me! What is your favourite genre?” Helen leans in, feeling easier now.

“I prefer fantasy, or mysteries.”

“Oh Ty would love you! He is obsessed with Sherlock Holmes,” Helen waves her hands around, and her eyes glints as she talks about her brother, “Though I prefer Harry Potter myself, actually.”

“I love Harry Potter too. Though I’m more of a Percy Jackson man myself,” Alec mumbles, and Magnus lights up.

“Percy Jackson? I love Will Solace there!” Magnus beams, and Alec offers him the same lop-sided smile that makes him go all warm and fuzzy inside.

“Just give me a good book, and some music, and it’s the best me time for me,” Helen beams, “Which reminds me, Meliorn, your last album, ‘A New Leaf’ is one of my absolute favourites!”

“Thank you Helen, that’s very sweet,” Meliorn smiles.

“No seriously, I loved ‘Faerie Blood’! It’s definitely in my top ten favourite songs of all time!” Magnus smiles widely at Meliorn, who graciously accepts the compliment, and just as he opens his mouth to say something, James appears again, this time, with the main course in tow.

“I hope you all enjoyed the appetizers, now, for the main course, great food, amazing company and engaging conversations I hope.”

The main course is served, four different dishes are distributed. 

Magnus notices as Alec gets a little food on his plate, and hesitates to eat before everyone else starts. His eyes are drawn to that tattoo on his neck again, shaped like a large ‘Z’.

_ Wonder what it means. Maybe I should ask him. _

Helen is talking with Meliorn about their music tastes, but Magnus can’t focus on anywhere else except the fact that Alec currently has a tiny bit wasabi sauce on his chin. He contemplates whether it would be too weird if he points that out.

_He wouldn’t mind, right?_ _I mean, I would wanna know if I had sauce on my chin._

_ Right? _

Just as Magnus is about to point that out, he sees Alec widen his eyes past him, at Helen and Meliorn, and hears a sharp clink of metal against marble. Just as he whips his head around, he notices Meliorn clutching his throat, his chair tilting downwards as he struggles with his breathing.

“Meliorn!” Helen yells out, rushing over to his side, as Meliorn collapses down on the floor, his mouth gaping widely, trying to breathe. Magnus and Alec rush to catch him from hitting his head on the floor.

The crew run in, trying to see what is happening. Everyone starts to panic as Meliorn’s lips swell up, and his throat starts closing up, and his face turns blue from lack of oxygen.

“What was he having last?” Alec asks, trying to keep calm, while the entire crew is now panicking over Meliorn.

“I think he was having the Baked Crab with pepper and peanut oil-”

Before Magnus can finish talking, Helen makes the connection. 

“I think he’s having an allergic reaction!” Helen looks frantically at Alec, who widens his eyes with understanding.

“Does someone have an epipen? And call 911! Now!” Alec yells.

Aline rushes to the table, an epipen in hand, and jabs the needle straight in Meliorn’s right thigh, while Alec and Magnus hold him still for her.

Meliorn breathes a little easier, and Magnus and Alec help him up into a chair. He sags with relief, air filling his lungs, and takes deep breaths, just when the ambulance arrives. The EMTs bring a stretcher and they help Meliorn into the ambulance.

“He is going to be okay, right?” Alec asks, still in an adrenaline rush from the whole situation.

“He’s going to be fine, don’t worry,” Magnus answers, rubbing Alec’s forearm, who leans into the touch absently.

“Jules is allergic to clove actually, we had to take him to the hospital a couple times, it’s fine, don’t worry, the epipen was given at the right time, it’s gonna work, don’t worry,” Helen assures him.

“Well the date fell through, of course we will not be continuing it, since Mr Seelieson had an allergic reaction and had to be hospitalised,” James announces.

“Which means, we are going to go home for the day. It’s a wrap everyone! I’m sorry about Mr Seelieson again, we all hope he gets well, and joins us again.”

As the crew wraps up, Magnus notices the taller man fidget, walking up to the table where Magnus is sitting, pausing for a moment as if to say something, and going back, before doing it all over again.

After Alec repeats the same thing for the third time, Magnus decides to put him out of his misery.

“Alexander, something on your mind?” Alec stops in his tracks midway to the table, looking like a deer in headlights.

“Well- I- um- I actually- Well I was wondering if- if you- um- never mind,” Alec tries to turn around, just as Magnus catches his arm.

“Alec, what is it?”

Alec brings out a packet from behind him, “We didn’t exactly get a full dinner, so I- uh- I was wondering if you are hungry? But it’s okay if you aren’t, ‘cause it would make sense that you don’t want to eat then and-”

“I am famished, Alexander,” Magnus breaks out a toothy grin, “And are those tacos? Where did you get tacos?”

“I uh- I asked the staff here, they said they could make some if I wanted,” Alec shrugs easily.

“It’s been so long since I last had tacos, I mean don’t get me wrong, I love a fancy dinner as much as anyone else, but nothing beats tacos and burgers and fries, right? Wait, actually I think the last time I had tacos was the last time I was in Peru,” Magnus taps his chin with his index finger.

“You’ve visited Peru?” Alec’s eyes gleam with excitement.

“Yeah,” Magnus nods, “Actually I can’t visit anymore. I’m banned.”

“You’re banned from Peru?” Alec’s eyebrows almost hit his hairline.

“Yeah,” Magnus touches his ear cuff absently, “I’d tell you why, but then I’ll have to kill you. No, seriously, I signed an NDA, so, you know,” he shrugs.

“Wow, I uh- I don’t know what to say to that,” Alec smiles.

They walk outside and wait for the cars to take them back to the hotel, standing together in companionable silence, just when some crew members walk by, carrying camera equipment so large, they don’t really pay attention to the men standing within the hearing range.

“Do you really think so?” 

“I mean, think about it, of all the dishes in the world, he got the one with peanut oil, the thing he’s allergic to? You don’t think that’s suspicious?” 

“Yeah, you’re right I guess.” 

“And all this while he’s competing against a  _ Lightwood _ ? I mean, that seals the deal, doesn’t it?” 

“Yeah! Did you hear what his parents did when they were with  _ The Circle _ ? I heard they commissioned to kill people!”

“Oh my God I heard about that too! I’m sure that _ Lightwood  _ learnt from his parents how to clear out competition!”

Magnus glances at Alec, and notices the hardened jaw, and the closed eyes, and the fast shallow breathing.

“Are you okay? Alexander?” Magnus goes to touch Alec’s cheek, but Alec flinches away from it.

“Don’t, please just, don’t,” Alec raises his palms defensively, “You don’t have to- I- I know what my family name means, I just-” Alec takes a deep breath, his hands shaking, “I understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with me now. But, I just want you to know that-”

“You didn’t do it.” It’s not a question, as Magnus looks into Alec’s wide hazel eyes, his own gold-green ones exude absolute certainty, stunning Alec.

“You believe me?” The quiver in Alec’s voice is enough to make Magnus’ heart ache with something he can’t quite place.

“Of course I do, I believe you. It’s more than that, Alexander, I trust you.”

“You do?” Alec stares at Magnus with an open expression, and Magnus smiles.

“We should not be judged based on who our parents are. I know you, not a lot, maybe, but I know you are someone who likes Percy Jackson, and forgets to pack razors, and smiles a goofy smile everytime I say something, someone who prefers everyday food to pretentious overly priced ones, someone who refuses to start eating until everyone is comfortable. That’s you, Alexander. You are someone who gets tacos for your friend if their dinner gets cancelled, someone who keeps their mind calm, while everyone panics and helps out a person in need.”

“Who your parents are, or what they did, years ago, it doesn’t matter. The only thing you should be judged on is your choices, and your actions. And you know what your actions showed today? It showed that you are someone who people can be great friends with, someone very dependable, very honest. And this dinner, or that incident, or those comments, none of those changes that fact. Before the dinner, it was you, Alexander; after dinner, it’s still you,” Magnus places a hand on Alec’s forearm, “Well maybe, a little bit hungrier you.”

Alec chuckles at that. And just then one car pulls up.

“Mr Bane, I’m here to pick you up,” the driver glances at Magnus, before turning to look at Alec, “Sorry Mr Lightwood, the other driver got into a traffic jam on the way, so it’s gonna take a couple minutes.”

Magnus sees Alec nod, and open his mouth, probably to say goodbye to Magnus, when he gets an idea.

“Alexander, it’s getting late, and we are going to the same hotel anyway. So, I was wondering,” Magnus clasps his hands together, “Would you like to carpool with me? If you don’t mind, of course.”

Alec looks at Magnus, a slow grin gracing his face, “I would like that.”

After the car gets out of the parking area, and onto the road, Alec turns to face Magnus, “Magnus, thank you, you didn’t have to do that.”

“I wasn’t gonna let you stand and wait there alone when I am perfectly happy sharing with you. So there’s nothing to thank me for Alexander.”

“Well, actually, I was talking about earlier, about my parents,” Alec fidgets, “Thank you for that, and for the car ride actually. You didn’t have to do any of those.”

“Alec, I know a little something about the burden a parent’s legacy has on their child,” Magnus’ eyes flash a distant pain for a moment, but it’s gone before Alec can think too much about it. Magnus continues, “So, I can relate, at least a little.”

“And as for the car ride, there is a way you can thank me.”

“Name it,” Alec replies quickly.

“Tacos,” Magnus squeals, a bit dreamily, “I’m so hungry I can eat the whole of Texas.”

Alec simply smiles, and pulls out the bag, and hands Magnus a taco, and grabs one for himself too.

_ Thanks, Magnus, really. _

_ Would he still think the same of me if he knew that I- _

_ That I- _

_ Who I am. Would he? _

Before Alec can think anymore, Magnus steals the last taco from his hands, and he playfully glares at him, while Magnus simply savours his win.

“Oh that’s cheating!”

“Not if I share it. Here,” he divides it into two halves, and gives one to Alec, and holds his water bottle up, “To us.”

“To us,” Alec repeats, holding his bottle up too, “And to tacos!”

“To tacos!”

\-------------------------------------------

The car-ride back to the hotel is uncharacteristically quiet, and Helen feels something off about Aline. She has always been very in tune with the emotions of those close to her, perks of being an older sister she always assumed. And Aline is always so upbeat and ready to take on whatever comes her way, so the way she is watching the lights on the road, refusing to face Helen, it’s pretty clear that there is something bothering her.

“Hey Aline?”

“Yeah Helen?” Aline turns, keeping her eyes down, still refusing to meet her gaze.

“You know you can tell me anything right?”

“Yeah, yeah I know.”

“Okay, just wanted to let you know,” Helen says, and decides to give Aline some space. If she wants to tell her, she can do that in her own time, when she wants.

_ I am not going to pester her with something she clearly is uncomfortable talking about. _

After a few moments of silence, Aline turns again, this time facing Helen, still looking down at her lap.

“I feel bad,” Aline says, her voice laced with guilt, "about Meliorn,”

“It’s okay to feel bad. I feel bad too,” Helen answers, but notices Aline's dark expression.

“This is more than that, isn’t it? What is it, Aline? Are you okay?”

“He is allergic to peanuts, and we served him that, and now he’s in the hospital,” Aline curls in on herself, pulling her knees close.

“That was an accident, Aline.”

“Yeah, an accident. Because of me!” Aline looks up at Helen. The red-rimmed eyes, holding back the tears, frantic and hurt, shock Helen. “It’s my job to take care of everyone, Helen! It’s literally my job to make sure accidents like this don’t happen. And I can’t even do my job! Someone could’ve died today, just because I’m incapable of doing-”

“You are not incapable,” Helen speaks every word with a deep certainty, “You are not bad at your job, Aline. And what happened today was unfortunate, of course, but it’s not because of you.”

“I should’ve checked if everyone has checked in with the food department about their allergies and I should’ve- I should’ve-” Aline’s voice is choked, as she tries hard to hold back, as the tears threaten to spill, “I’m so useless, and now this –this is just-” Aline sniffles, unable to hold back anymore. Tears roll down her cheeks, and she simply sits there, shaking. 

“Aline Penhallow, you,” Helen pulls her closer, and wipes away the tears that have fallen down Aline's cheeks, “Are one of the most hard-working, passionate, capable people I have ever seen, you understand me?” 

Aline lets herself be held by those gentle but firm hands, that rub her back in soothing circles, tears still falling down her eyes silently.

“Aline you can’t put every responsibility in this huge production on yourself, you will run yourself to the ground. Seriously, Aline,” Helen looks into those dark brown eyes she has come to trust in these past few days. 

“I know how hard you work, how much you give in this, how much sleep you sacrifice just to arrive first on set, so everything can be perfect, so don’t you dare think that you are anything but amazing at your job, you hear me? And Aline, a production this massive, especially with all these people, something is bound to happen one time or the other. You can’t blame yourself for that.”

Aline leans into Helen, and the blonde puts her chin above her head, holding her close.

“Aline, it’s not your fault that the food department didn’t do their jobs, no let me finish,” Helen puts a firm hand on Aline’s shoulder just as she tries to open her mouth to protest, “You trusted them to do their job, they didn’t, it’s okay. The next time you will know better.”

“And the fact that you are feeling so guilty, just proves how much you care, how responsible you are. Don’t worry, everything is going to be fine.”

The brunette sniffles, and Helen guides her head to rest on her shoulder.

“You know, after I took over the company, after my parents died, I trusted our old family friend, Malcolm Fade, with the Accounting. I thought he could help me out, at least until I learned how to manage on my own. After four months, my brother Mark and I were going through the records when we discovered a 12 million dollars discrepancy. Turns out, Malcolm was laundering money the whole time. We sued, and got the money back. Of course we fired him too.” 

“After that I hired a new Head of the Accounting, Cristina Rosales, someone I barely knew. She saved us 9 million in the first month alone, and now my brother is in a beautiful relationship with her. So you shouldn’t blame yourself for trusting people, just because of one bad experience.” 

“Thank you Helen.” Aline manages to smile weakly, wiping the tear tracks away from her cheeks. Helen smiles back.

“My pleasure.”

The hotel is a mere three minutes away after they finish talking, and Aline is still quiet in the elevator. After they reach her room, Helen turns, and finds Aline still brooding.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“Oh it’s nothing,” Aline flashes a quick smile, “It’s just, my mom has always said that family name is important, and, she- um- she’s kind of a well-known person here, and she said that without her influence and help, I would never make it on my own. So I can’t afford to make any mistakes, especially mistakes like these.”

Helen nods, her jade eyes filled with understanding. “Well, I, for one, think that you are doing pretty great on your own. About your mom, do you wanna talk about it?”

Aline shakes her head, “No, maybe sometime later, I just wanna go to sleep.”

“Well then, what are you waiting for? Get your ass home!” Helen shoves and glares at her playfully, then remembers something.

“Aline, I actually wanted to ask something. About Meliorn, would they let us visit him? I mean, I know we are not his family members,” Helen asks.

“Well, we are gonna check up on him tomorrow morning, on behalf of the production they’re sending me, so you can come along too, you know, if you want?”

“Really? That’d be great!” Helen puts her hand on Aline’s elbow, and it takes every ounce of sheer willpower in Aline not to grab that hand in her own.

“Yeah, no problem. I can pick you up at, let’s see, nine tomorrow?”

“Sounds great,” Helen agrees, “Oh and thank you for helping me through the anxiety, today.”

“No problem, Blackthorn.”

“I don’t know what would’ve happened if you didn’t calmed me down. I thought today would be unbearable. But Penhallow, this was slightly less unbearable with you,” Aline opens her mouth, grasping at the opportunity for a joke, prompting Helen to glare at her, “Don’t!”

“Just let me have this one, okay?” 

“Fine! But you owe me coffee!” Helen narrows her eyes at Aline, who smiles.

“Of course. Sleep well, Blackthorn.”

“Get home safe, Penhallow. And text me when you get home, okay?”

“You got it.”

As Aline turns to leave, Helen stands there, until she sees her get on the elevator, and if Aline wasn’t in love before, she’s pretty sure she is now.

_ Yep, I’m in love. _

_ With Helen. _

_ The Bachelorette. _

_ While she’s trying to choose her husband. _

_ Fan-freaking-tastic! _

\-------------------------------------------

As Magnus and Alec reach their floor, the crowd of hotel staff gathered there catches their eye. Everyone seems tense, and Magnus notices the wet carpet outside his suite.

“What’s going on?” Alec is the one to ask, which prompts the staff scramble immediately, and one of them calls the manager, who raises his hands apologetically before talking to them.

“Mr Bane, we’re so sorry about this inconvenience.”

“What seems to be the problem?” Magnus is baffled by the wetness everywhere, but Alec has an idea what happened.

_ Perks of having Jace as a brother. You know an overflowed toilet when you see one. _

“One of our cleaning ladies, Heidi, accidentally broke a faucet in your bathroom, but didn’t report it. One of the other cleaning ladies noticed the water seeping into the carpet outside when she came to clean the other suite, and told me. Unfortunately, your suite had been already flooded by then. Of course, none of your possessions has been affected, thank God.”

Magnus tries to process the news.  _ Okay, flooded room, I can handle that. Maybe I can get some other room. Though that would mean moving away from Alec. _

He asks anyway, “Well, I’m sure you can get me a different room, for the time being?”

The manager swallows thickly, “Actually, since this is the peak season, all the rooms are booked.”

“All of them?” Magnus asks incredulously.

“Yes. The only room available is a staff quarter.”

Magnus contemplates the situation.  _ On one hand, he wouldn’t have to move to a different hotel, and on the other hand, staff quarter is too small for all his luggage. _

_ I’m sure I can manage.  _

How much of that management is for the ease of moving, and how much is for the sake of being in the same hotel as Alec, Magnus isn’t sure.

But before he can say anything, Alec surprises him. 

Again.

“You can stay with me.” 

Just as the words leave Alec’s mouth, he inhales sharply, and widens his eyes.

_ What the hell, Lightwood! _

“What, Alexander?” Magnus is almost certain he misheard, when Alec speaks again.

“Stay with me. In my suite. It’s big enough for two. And I don’t have much stuff anyway.”

_ Alexander Gideon Lightwood, are you out of your god-damn mind?! _

“Alec, you don’t have to-”

“No really, it’s no problem. You can stay with me, if you want. If you don’t mind.”

_ Seriously, Lightwood, are you having a stroke? _

“I- I don’t mind, actually, that would be great,” Magnus breathes a little easier, why, he has no idea.

_ Well I do have an idea, and his name starts with an A. _

“Excellent! A bit unusual, but nothing we can’t handle,” the manager beams, “Mr Bane, your room will be ready in two days. And we will immediately move all your stuff into 1701.”

“Thanks,” Magnus mumbles.

Alec opens his door with the room key, and the manager tells the staff to bring in Magnus' stuff. 

As the hotel staff finishes putting his bags into the lounge of the suite, Magnus notices the bow and quiver on the coat hanger.

_ He’s an archer? Seriously, he just keeps surprising me. _

Magnus glances at Alec, who has already shrugged his jacket off, and pulled up his Henley sleeves, sitting awkwardly on a chair, eyeing the almost endless amount of bags Magnus has. Both of his forearms are on display, and Magnus feels his mouth dry a little.

_ Those are amazing forearms! Strong, muscular, but not too much and that makes it- wait, is that another tattoo?! _

_ He has MORE tattoos?! _

_ Damn it! _

Magnus takes a deep breath.

_ These are gonna be two long, long days. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from the song 'I Like Me Better' by Lauv.  
Thoughts?  
Tell me in the comments or find me on tumblr @just-another-lightwood-bane.


	6. I Knew When We Collided, You're The One I Have Decided, Who's One Of My Kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec share a room, and some more. Aline's secret comes out. Helen has an epiphany.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy reading!

_ This is fine. Absolutely fine. _

_ Nope. No not-being-fine here Sir. Just chillin’. Nothing much. Just staying in the same room as Alexander freaking Lightwood. Nope, no big deal. No big deal at all. _

_ Inner peace, Magnus, find your inner peace. Then nothing can affect you. _

_ Not even those long legs. _

_ Or those muscles. _

_ Or those abs fitting that Henley perfectly. _

_ Or those biceps. _

_ Or that shoulder. _

_ That strong shoulder. _

_ And that tattoo, I just wanna grab him by the neck and kiss and bi- _

Alec clears his throat, and Magnus snaps out of the lovely scenario ready to play out in his head. He looks up at Alec, sitting on a chair in front of him, and finds Alec fixing him with a questioning gaze, but as soon as their eyes lock, Alec ducks his head down, a faint pink creeping up his neck. Magnus gives that an amused smile, eyes twinkling with a hidden smirk.

“Soooooo....” Magnus drawls out, unsure to say anything else.

_ What does anyone even say to people in this situation? You know, to people who are- _

_ Wait, what even are we? Two totally cool friends just hanging out? _

_ Magnus! Be cool! _

_ Oh, and they are now roommates. _

“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking before, damn, if you are uncomfortable, shit, you probably are-” Magnus notices as Alec starts rambling, pacing as he does, and waving his hands around furiously as he talks. “You don’t wanna stay here, of course not, I mean, why would you? Dammit I didn’t think, why didn’t I think, you probably wanna-”

Magnus gets up from his seat on the sofa, and walks up to the adorably confused man in front of him, and puts a finger on his lips to stop him, “Let me spell it out for you Alec, just so you know where I stand in this situation.” Magnus says his next words painfully slowly, clearly stating each word, “You offered to help me out when I was facing a problem, and I accepted your help of my own volition. If I thought I would be uncomfortable, I wouldn’t have done that. Now if you yourself are uncomfortable, I would gladly-”

“No! No! Absolutely not!” Alec speaks all too soon, and immediately cringes inwardly.

_ You’re doing great Lightwood. Real smooth. Smooth like crunchy peanut butter. _

“Good, because I wouldn’t wanna be too imposing,” Magnus shrugs, and to Alec it seems that even that casual gesture cannot be replicated by the most gracious of dancers.

“You’re not imposing, I want you to stay.” Alec hopes Magnus doesn’t notice the slight tremor in his voice at the end. _ Do you now, Lightwood? _A snorting voice rises up in Alec’s head, and he pushes it down, ignoring it for the moment.

“Well then,” Magnus claps his hands together theatrically, “Shall we discuss sleeping arrangements?”

Alec nods, and smiles, but as soon as his brain catches up with their current situation, he widens his eyes, grabbing Magnus by his forearm. “Wait, Magnus! There’s only one bed!”

Magnus is sure his brain short-circuited on the moment Alec’s palm touches his arm, but as much as he loves this hold he is under, Alec’s words get through to his brain, and he takes a deep sigh inwardly.

_ The Lord is testing me! _

Of course he doesn’t tell Alec that. Instead he puts on a smile, “It’s perfectly alright, Alexander. I can sleep on the couch. Believe me or not, I do actually have experience in sleeping on couches.”

“Absolutely not,” Alec shakes his head in disagreement, “I asked you to stay here. You’re not spending the night on the couch.”

“It’s your suite, Alexander. You’re not sleeping on the couch just because I’m a temporary roommate,” Magnus holds his ground, crossing his arms. 

“Exactly, it’s my suite, so you have to listen to me,” Alec gives him a triumphant smile, and Magnus just melts.

_ Oh my heart! Warn a guy before smiling like that, would you Alexander! Be right back, having a quick heart attack. _

“Alec I’m not letting you!”

“Magnus I insist!”

“Alexander!”

“Magnus!”

After what seems like their ninth round of arguing, Magnus has an idea that is so out of this world that it just might work. 

“What if we shared the bed?”

Alec freezes on the spot, and Magnus can see the tight jaw, and the dumbstruck expression, and he fears that he might’ve gone too far.

“Alexander, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Magnus immediately apologizes. “You are already being so accommodating, and I wouldn’t wanna impose any-”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Alec chokes out, “It’s absolutely fine.” 

_ Life is so goddamn weird already, this might as well happen! _

“Okay then,” Magnus lights up, “Which side is yours? I sleep on the left side,” Magnus says mechanically, then his face splits in a mischievous smirk, “But I go both ways.”

Alec’s pretty sure that if he could, he would’ve astral projected by now.

“Um, I don’t have one? I normally sleep alone,” Alec gives Magnus a sheepish smile, hoping that that wouldn’t be too awkward. “You can have the left side.”

“Perfect! Then it’s settled then. Do you want the first shower?”

“No, nope, I’m good, I can wait, I don’t mind waiting, it’s all good,” Alec stammers on, and Magnus unzips one of his suitcases to get a change of clothes, before getting in the shower.

_ The hell is wrong with you Lightwood?! _ Alec chides himself internally. _ What are you thinking? What if Magnus is uncomfortable? What if this gets to Mom? What then?! _

_ Calm down, this is not a big deal. _

_ Just two dudes, sleeping in the same bed, on different sides because they’re not- _

_ Fuck. _

_ This is a disaster. _

As Alec paces nervously in the bedroom, arms crossed in front of him, Magnus finishes up. He notices the mostly generic and minimal bathing products in the bathroom. _ Alexander, of course. _The hazel-eyed man does seem like someone to prefer practicality over pleasure.

Magnus dries his hair, and while the towel hangs around his neck, he wipes the bathroom mirror, now hazy with the steam from the shower, with his palms. Hs own face stares back at him, the questioning stare in his eyes accusatory. 

_ What am I doing? I’m here for Helen, right? _

_ Right? _

_ Then why am I getting so involved with Alec? Not that he would ever return those feelings! I should be thinking about Helen, not Alec! _

_ Well if people had a choice for who they fall for, I think quite a few epic pieces of literature wouldn’t have been written. _

_ Your life isn’t a tale of adventure and bravery, Magnus! _

_ This is pointless, _Magnus thinks, then decides to get dressed and let Alec use the bathroom. The thought of Alec using the bathroom prompts new thoughts in Magnus’ brain, and he groans, facepalming quietly.

_ You’re Magnus freaking Bane! Stop being such a bi disaster! _

Alec is sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to calm his nerves about the whole situation. Just when he goes to pick up the phone to call Izzy for advice in these sorts of situations, the bathroom door unlocks. Alec turns around and comes face to face with Magnus, in a pastel blue tank top with the words ‘_ Would you be my meow friend? _’ written on it with sapphire sequins, black sweatpants, and a face free of any makeup, hair damp from the shower still matted to his forehead. Alec’s stunned by the soft features of Magnus’ face that are usually buried under layers of concealer, creams, foundation, and some other products Alec has no idea about. He looks divine, like an Angel taking a human form. Alec feels his face heat up, and ducks down to hide his pink cheeks from Magnus.

“Alexander, all yours,” Magnus gestures at the bathroom, and Alec mumbles out a thank you before grabbing his change of clothes and getting in. Magnus circles the bed, getting to his side, then plugs his phone in to be charged. There is a text from Cat, wishing him the best from all of them, and a gif of Madzie blowing him a kiss attached. He smiles at the sweet girl, and shoots back a gif of himself catching Madzie’s kiss. Magnus checks the alarm he set for tomorrow, and decides to wait for Alec to join him.

As soon as Alec enters the shower, a smoky smell of sandalwood floods his senses. _ Magnus uses sandalwood soap, _the realization makes Alec break into a fond smile that catches him by surprise. Scared by how many deep realizations would be prompted if he stayed too long, Alec hurries, going through the entire routine in a rehearsed manner. Strip, shower, dry off, dress, brush. He has done these thousands of times, and after he finishes, he gets out of the bathroom, and notices Magnus sitting on his side of the bed, smiling up at him. The sight makes his heart ache, everything Alec imagines his life would be like in an ideal universe. He smiles back and goes off to his side of the bed. He checks his phone for notifications and sees about thirty text messages from Izzy and Jace each, and almost twelve missed calls. He sends them both a text saying he’ll talk to them tomorrow, and gets on the bed. That’s when he notices that Magnus is still staring at him.

“What?” Alec asks, and Magnus turns away, shaking his head. Alec brushes it off, and instead thinks about the sleeping arrangements. _ Should we have a boundary wall? _Alec wonders, and catches Magnus’ sleepy expression.

_ Yup! We definitely need a boundary wall! _

Magnus notices as Alec, clad in a black shirt and grey sweatpants, both addled with holes here and there, gathers all but two pillows. “Alexander?” Magnus fixes him with a curious glance.

“I thought that-um- maybe we could- we could have like a- a pillow wall? So we don’t get in each other’s space?” Alec explains, and Magnus nods in agreement. _ Of course, a pillow wall sounds fairly reasonable. No one wants to share a bed with a complete stranger with no sort of partition between them. _

Magnus helps Alec arrange the pillows in a partition in the middle of the bed, and bids him goodnight. As Alec turns off the light, Magnus turns to face away from Alec’s side of the bed, his body hyper aware of the surroundings in the dark. Magnus can feel Alec’s breathing clearer than he can hear it, a steady rhythm, and he feels his heart race and mind calm down with it at the same time.

_ I am so screwed. _

\---------------------------------------------

Helen stirs awake, taking a deep breath as she blinks sleepily. She rubs her left eye with the back of her palm groggily. The window curtains here in the _ Seelie Realm _are not thick enough to block out sunlight, in fact the whole room is too bright, even for an early riser like Helen. She looks around, trying to collect her surroundings. The sunlight flooding in, illuminating the room, and with the sage green walls as the background, and the vine designs done beautifully and meticulously in bright emerald on those walls, the room feels ethereal, like a magical faery land in the middle of the forest. 

It takes her a minute or two to realize where she is, and she shivers as chill air hits her bare hands. She looks down at herself, and notices the heavy gold-brown duvet lying messily at her side. She picks it up, and decides to go back to sleep.

_ There’s no shoot today, just sleep. _

_ No Rose Ceremony, no choosing anyone, no- _

_ Wait, Meliorn! I was supposed to go visit him! With Aline! _

_ Oh no, I have to be ready by 9! _

She glances quickly at the clock, the emerald dial stares back at her. She notes the time. 

_ 6 am. Oh okay then, plenty of time to get ready. _

Helen lies back down, and closes her eyes, but doesn’t fall asleep. Her mind feels restless, and she tosses and turns. After what seems like the fourth time, she finally gives up, and lies flat on her back instead. 

Her chest rises and falls in rhythm with the ticks of the clock, the only sound audible in the suite, her eyes following the vines painted on the ceiling lazily. The last few weeks replay in her head, and she takes a deep breath as she tries to sort out everything.

_ The perks of being a Bachelorette aren’t that bad, _ Helen tells herself. _ No deadlines, no finances, no human resources meetings, no drafts, just enjoying. _

_ Well, as much as someone can enjoy while trying to decide their future spouse. While making sure not to make anyone hate them. And trying to keep people alive apparently. _

_ I hope Meliorn’s okay. Of course, he will be, but still. _

_ What am I gonna do now? I don’t think Meliorn’s coming back, and he shouldn’t. Especially after this. I wouldn’t blame him if he doesn’t. _

_ No way in hell I am choosing Victor. I’d rather stay unmarried. _

_ Emil? Not really. _

_ Alfred? Nuh-uh. _

_ Harvey? No. _

_ Raj? Nope, not a chance in hell. _

_ And Jonathan? He practically gives me a headache whenever he talks at this point. _

_ That leaves Sebastian, Magnus, and Alec. _

_ I don’t know about Sebastian. Every time I talk to him, I get this weird feeling that something is off. _

_ I like Magnus, I do. He’s very handsome, and not imposing like most of them. He understands and respects my work. He has a very good sense of humour. He of course is a perfect gentleman so far as I know. And he’s a great friend. _

_ But do I want to marry him? _

_ Alec, on the other hand, seems like on the absolute extreme end of the spectrum. He’s so shy, and so sweet. Probably one of the only three people here who I’d turn to for help. And he keeps his head calm under pressure. Very dependable. But he also seems like he’s hiding something, doesn’t it? Like if he could be anywhere else other than in this contest, he would be relieved. _

_ And that look he sometimes gives Magnus. Like he forgets how breathing works. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was into Magnus. I wouldn’t blame him, Magnus is gorgeous. But Alec has never even hinted at being anything other than straight. _

_ God, this is so complicated! If I wanted drama I simply would’ve called the _ ‘Thornbush’ _ designer department. I’m sure Zara can deliver some drama at any given moment. _

_ Ugh! _

_ Oh Aline! _

As soon as the thought passes Helen’s mind, she jerks up on the bed, eyes wide. 

_ Wait, did I just think about Aline? But why would I think about Aline? I mean, of course, she’s a great friend, but in this context? When I’m trying to decide my future? _

_ Helen Blackthorn, sort yourself out! _

_ But, I’m not too wrong, am I? I do like Aline. She’s one of the kindest, most compassionate, capable and wonderful human beings I’ve ever known. _

_ And, that girl is hot like hellfire. _

Helen covers her face with her palms. _ Dammit Blackthorn! You were supposed to sort yourself out, not get tangled even more! _

She shakes her head, as if trying to shake off the thought chain itself. One glance at the clock tells her that it’s almost 7, she decides to go ahead and get ready.

_ Maybe I can squeeze some time in for my Krav Maga practice. _

As Helen brings her body through the familiar movements again and again, her head floats back to the raven-haired girl. _ Aline Penhallow, what exactly are you doing to me? _

Helen has dated before, of course. Her first boyfriend was the son of one of her Mom’s childhood friends. But it had been too immature, like almost all teenage romances are. After that there have been too many wrong people, too many who hurt her, too many whom she grew out of love with. Now, this competition? This is her last resort. An excellent media coverage, hence, publicity, while finding her a potential match.

But what she didn’t expect when signing up for this, is how a certain girl with mismatched socks on her feet has come along, and gotten in her heart, and is continuing to stay. But of course, Aline is her friend, a _ straight _friend, and Helen cannot simply drop this bombshell on her, that she might be a tiny bit in love with her.

And again, all these people competing for her hand in marriage? What’s gonna happen to them?

Frustrated with everything, Helen stops her training, and grabs the towel. Entering the shower, she doesn’t hear her phone going off over the noise of the water running. When Helen returns, drying her damp hair with a _ Camp Half Blood _towel, she looks at her phone. A series of text messages from Aline, the second to last one saying that she is on her way. The last one is actually an image of Aline, a selfie taken with a golden retriever who is craning his neck out of an adjacent car, while she is stuck in traffic. Helen grins at the photo, and shoots back a text with the word, ‘Dork’.

Her phone pings almost instantly, and this time Aline has sent, ‘You know it’, with an emoji throwing flying kisses, she absentmindedly sighs, still smiling.

_ I’m in trouble. _

\---------------------------------------------

Aline and Helen reach the reception of the hospital at 9:45am, and the receptionist tells them that visitors’ hours have been moved up to 10:30am, and tells them to wait in the lobby. Aline flops down on a chair. But she notices Helen pacing up and down the lobby.

“You’re gonna bore a hole in the carpet,” Aline points out. Helen halts in her tracks, and then sits down on the seat next to Aline, covering her face in her palms.

After several minutes, Aline notices the slight tremor in Helen’s hunched down form. She touches her softly on the shoulder, and Helen looks up at her. The redness in her usually bright eyes alarm Aline, and she sits up straighter, putting a hand on Helen’s tightly clasped ones.

For a long time, Helen doesn’t say anything, and Aline doesn’t push her either, instead letting her collect herself in any way she wants. After what seems like an eternity, Helen opens her mouth, and the raspy voice that comes out takes Aline by surprise.

“It’s- It’s- uh- It’s my Mom and Dad. They uh- they- uh- this is where they brought them after- after their-”

Her voice chokes, and Aline pulls her closer. Helen doesn’t cry however. Her tears have long been soaked up into her pillow, as she cried herself to sleep every night for four months after the incident. 

“My Mom, she- uh- she was driving, they were coming home from the mall. They were out to buy supplies for Ty’s birthday party. There was this-this driver who had too much to drink. The truck T-boned them. Later, the doctors said that Mom suffered a brain haemorrhage. It was over before the ambulance even arrived.”

“I’m so sorry,” Aline cannot find anything else to say. What can you really say in this situation? And she’s pretty sure Helen has heard them all before. Just saying sorry doesn’t help all the time. You cannot cure a pain you cannot understand. You can only hope to ease it a little. Aline hopes that she can help Helen, she _ wants _to help her in any way Helen will let her.

“It’s actually better for her to pass away without any pain, any suffering. She was my best friend, and one of the most amazing people in this world, she deserved peace,” Helen’s lips twitch in a sad smile, before a stray tear rolls off her cheek, but her voice was steady. “My Dad got the worst of it. They brought him here. The doctors gave up after 19 hours of surgery. He passed away after three days of struggle.”

Aline says nothing, instead covers Helen’s palms in her hands. Helen holds them in a death grip, and Aline lets her talk it out. 

_ Has she ever talked about this with anyone? Doesn’t matter. If she wants to tell me this, to free herself a bit of this pain she carries every day, I won’t be the one to stop her. _

“Dad was in and out of consciousness the whole time. Mostly he was worried about Mom,” Helen’s voice sounds distant, like she is reliving those moments all over again. “But the doctors, they said that he shouldn’t get any shocking news, or it might be fatal. So, Mark, Jules and I, we decided not to tell him about Mom. First, Mark told him that she was in a separate room, being prepped for surgery. He said that he should tell her ‘I love you’ on his behalf, and that she was gonna be fine. After that, Mark, he- he broke down. Kieren had to drag him home. He didn’t visit Dad after that, just stood in front of the room, said that he couldn’t look at Dad, and give him hope that everything was fine, when it was anything but. I don’t blame him. I could hardly do it myself.” 

“Julian, though, he was the one to go in everyday, and he talked to Dad, and pretended that everything was going well, that everyone was okay. Jules made sure that Livvy, and Dru ate, and took care of them. Made sure Ty was not left alone. I saw my baby brother grow up in front of my eyes that day. He truly is a wonderful man, you know. You would love him, Aline. He’s so strong, and so wonderful. He was the only one I could count on those few days, count on to take care of our family. And he did. He still does.”

“He would’ve stayed up as long as Dad was here if it was up to him. So, the last day, I sent him home to take some rest. And Dad asked for me, he wanted to talk to me. I went in. He asked about Mom. I told him a fake story about how the doctors sedated her.” 

“I think he knew I was lying. He always knew when I was lying. But he didn’t say anything. He just smiled, that smile he always had whenever we talked about my mother. He asked if I could get him some blue jell-o. When I got back to the room, he was gone. He was clutching his wedding ring close to his heart.”

Helen clenches her jaw, the calmness in her voice wavering at the end. She swallows thickly, tipping her jaw down, trying hard not to let the tears fall.

“I’m sorry,” Helen’s voice is barely a whisper. If Aline wasn’t sitting right next to her, she’s sure she would’ve missed it.

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because I’m always sharing these with you, and it’s not your job to be my emotional crutch, Aline,” Helen sits up straighter, and peers in Aline’s eyes.

“That’s why you think I’m here with you? Because of my job? Is that why you think I talk to you?” Aline squints her eyes in confusion, “Helen, you are not an assignment. I’m not here to keep an eye on the _ Bachelorette _, I’m here to stay with my friend. And I spend time with you because I want to.”

“I know but-” Helen hesitates.

“Now I don’t know what kind of friends you’ve had your whole life, but when I’m friends with someone, I’m not with them for the laughs only. I mean of course I love having fun as much as the next person, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to listen to anything else they say. And you, Helen Blackthorn, are one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had.”

Chocolate brown eyes meet jade ones, and they both stare at each other for a moment. The air between them sparks with an undercurrent of tension, and if either of them feels it, they don’t point it out to the other one. One moment passes, then another, and it’s only when the receptionist calls them over that they break away, both exhaling a breath they didn’t know they had been holding. The receptionist informs them that they can finally go meet Meliorn, and Aline pulls Helen aside.

“You don’t have to go in if you don’t want to. You can just stay out here, or go back to the car. I can talk to him myself and you can talk to him on my phone. It’s no problem.”

“It’s okay, Aline,” The blond smiles, “I just got overwhelmed. It’s fine. I want to meet Meliorn, and besides, if I feel anything is wrong, I’ve got you.” 

“Always,” Aline smiles. Helen links her left palm in her right one, and the brunette is pretty sure she never wants to let go. She clears her throat, trying to gain composure. “Shall we?”

\---------------------------------------------

After visiting Meliorn, the nurse asks Aline to sign some papers, on behalf of the production, since they are the one who admitted him. She goes to the reception to get the papers, and just when she turns around to leave and get them signed, she hears the receptionist call.

“Ms Penhallow, sign here please.”

_ I must have left some paper behind, _Aline thinks, and goes back. Just as she approaches the reception, Helen following her closely behind, there is a dark-haired, small, petite woman blocking her path, her back to them. Aline stops dead in her tracks, that hair, and those jade earrings recognizable to her even in her sleep.

“Mom?” Aline breathes out, and Helen looks at her to see her face ashen as the woman turns around. Brown eyes that are twins of Aline’s own stare back at her, and she feels a knot form in her stomach.

“Aline. Hello. What are you doing here?” The woman, Aline’s mother, speaks, her voice cold. Helen notices the stark similarities between the two, and the way Aline’s hands clench into fists at her sides doesn’t escape her eyes.

“Our production had an accident and I was following up on it,” Aline answers, and there is an edge to it, Helen notes.

“Oh of course, I heard about Mr Seelieson, bit too much of an oversight don’t you think?” Helen sees the steely gaze Aline fixes her Mom with. “Yes, it does, but we’re making sure it doesn’t happen again.” Aline gives her a forced smile, and grabs Helen’s wrist to turn around and leave, but her Mom doesn’t budge.

“And you must be Helen, the _ Bachelorette _, right? I’m Jia Penhallow,” Jia extends her hand, and Helen shakes it, already feeling wary of the woman.

“Yes, Helen Blackthorn. Pleasure, Ms Penhallow.”

Jia waves her hand in a dismissive manner, “Oh please, meeting the CEO of ‘_ Thornbush _’? Trust me, the pleasure is all mine. Though are you sure this is the crew member you want to get photographed with? The paparazzi is always round the corner after all. And no one wants to see America’s sweetheart get caught red-handed with someone like Aline here, right?” Jia’s tone is sickly sweet, though Helen is sure that sweetness is a facade.

“I don’t understand, what do you mean someone like Aline? I mean, she is the assistant director after all, and I wanted to visit-” 

“Oh, I mean someone like a lesbian of course,” Jia answers as if it is the most obvious answer, “Or has she not told you yet? Aline, you didn’t tell her?” She turns around to face her daughter, “I thought you wanted to be, wait, what was it you said, ‘Out and proud’?”

It takes Helen a second to understand the whole ordeal, and she silently sends a thanks to all the higher powers above for blessing her with such an accepting family. Then she turns around, flashing Jia a fake smile, and grabs Aline’s hand tighter, “Well, as a bisexual myself, I’d rather be photographed with such an amazing person as her than anyone else. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have to get back.” Helen drags Aline back at the parking lot, leaving a stunned Jia behind without a second glance.

The entire car ride is quiet, though the tension is palpable, for whatever reasons, neither of them are sure. As they reach the hotel, Aline gets a call from the set, saying that they need her for some emergencies with a light beam. 

“I’m sorry, I really have to go,” Aline gives Helen an apologetic smile. “It’s okay, go save the set,” Helen squeezes her hand back from outside the car window.

“And, about that incident, I didn’t tell you because-” Aline starts, but Helen cuts her off. “It’s your choice Aline, whether you share that part of you with someone or not. It doesn’t make it any less true. And for what it’s worth, I didn’t tell you either.” Helen shrugs, and some of the tension bleeds out of Aline.

“Okay, I’ll call you later then?” Aline’s voice is wavering, and Helen doesn’t let her overthink. “You better! Now go save the set, or they might burn it down without you.” 

Helen stands outside as long as Aline’s car can be seen, then she goes up to her room. On the elevator, thoughts rise up in her head, thoughts of Aline, of her family, of Jia, of the competition.

Just this morning she was thinking about who she would have to choose at the end, and all the men seemed so inappropriate to picture herself with. She remembers the first Ceremony, and her words when she gave that last rose to Alec.

_ “That’s what I want in someone I might end up sharing my life with. A best friend.” _

Ever since the first day, at the first Rose Ceremony, Aline has been a true friend, a constant presence by her side.

Calming. Grounding. Unwavering.

Aline has been a sanctuary. She has been a relief. 

Aline has been an escape from the burdens of life.

But for the first time, as her phone lit up with the text from Aline saying that the set is not burnt down yet, with a relieved emoji, Helen reads the message with a realization of a new feeling.

Or perhaps, the recent realization of an old feeling she has already considered deep down.

Helen stares at the lovely pout on Aline’s face in the caller ID, and for the first time, Aline Penhallow feels like a potential of a _ very _ different future. 

\---------------------------------------------

Magnus wakes up, eyes groggy with sleep. He hasn’t slept this peacefully in the last few months at least, if ever. As he comes to it, he tries to move, but his entire body seems pinned down to the bed by some unmovable forces. Those weights actually seem comforting, and he tries to twist around in his apparent bindings.

Just as he turns his face around, he comes face to face with a sight that takes the living daylights out of him.

A soft, sleep rumpled, hair sticking to the forehead, drooling on the bed, Alec Lightwood.

At that exact moment, Magnus knows he’s in trouble, just as Alec stirs awake. As he opens those beautiful hazel eyes Magnus has come to treat as beautiful as the night-sky itself, they simply stare into each other for a moment, before the whole situation catches up to them.

Apparently, sometime during the night, the wall between them had been thrown out.

And apparently, Alec Lightwood cuddles like an octopus.

_ Well you learn something new everyday. _

Alec untangles Magnus from the hoard of limbs he seems to be buried under, and starts apologizing profusely. “I’m so freaking sorry Magnus, I- I- I’m so so sorry, I- I-”

“Calm down, Alexander, it’s okay, I understand, it’s not your fault,” Magnus smiles warmly, and his eyes glint, “And also, you’re someone who gives really good cuddles. 17 out of 10, definitely would recommend.”

Alec’s face turns a lovely shade of pink, and he sputters, and Magnus decides to let him off the hook this time. He gets up, and sees Alec sitting on the bed, pouting.

“Not a morning person?” Magnus asks, amused, and Alec’s pout intensifies.

_ Oh my God he’s a puppy! He looks so cute! _

“Okay Pouty Pup, let’s get some coffee in you.” 

Alec’s face scrunches up, “Pup?”

“No?” 

Alec pouts again. 

“Okay, I’ll find one for you, don’t you worry.”

Alec smiles and sees Magnus call the hotel to send up coffees. As their eyes meet across the room, he flashes Alec a warm smile.

Alec lights up, and then groans inwardly.

_ I am so ROYALLY screwed. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from the song 'Hey Soul Sister' by The Train.  
Thoughts?  
Tell me in the comments or find me on tumblr @just-another-lightwood-bane.


	7. There'll Be Mountains For Us To Climb, There'll Be Days When The Sun Won't Shine, But I'll Stick Through It, Oh, I Swear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets are revealed, but reactions are not what is expected. Magnus finds a refuge from his demons. Helen gets some news. Aline's life takes a new direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy reading!

It’s been one of those days today.

As Magnus opened his eyes in the morning, he realized that it’s gonna be a hard day. Not on him. It’s gonna be hard on Alec. Magnus has long gotten used to feeling like this. This nothingness, and that lonely feeling that doesn’t let him leave his bed at times. Magnus has spent years trying to forget the exact circumstances of his birth, and how he became what he is today. But these days, they- they-

They don’t let him breathe. They suffocate him. He feels like the entire force of those memories is so intense that it’ll crush him under that weight. The thought of moving seems like as tough as climbing Mount Everest. Every other hour he closes his eyes and he’s right back in that barn, hiding behind his mother as his father threatens her. He’s right back at the dinner with Camille, where she’s talking about how terrible a father he’ll be. These days. Days where he feels like he has spent all his energy before he can even brush his teeth in the morning. 

These days. These days, Magnus either soldiers on, because his company needs him, or he curls up in his bed. Sometimes Ragnor or Catarina or Raphael comes by, and makes sure he drinks some water, and doesn’t starve himself to death. His friends have been the only reason he hasn’t been dead this past decade.

But none of them are here right now. And Magnus knows that they’d be here in a flash, all it’d take is a phone call. But he doesn’t want to bother them. Catarina has been up to her ears in work, and after adopting Madzie, it’s all the more challenging for her, not that she’d have it any other way. And Raphael, well Raphael has his hands full with the expansion of his hotel chain, and of course Ragnor is off to London teaching in Oxford. So, yeah, Magnus is pretty much on his own this time. Not that that’s a problem. It’s just, there’s one variable that has not been present all the times he has been alone in this sort of situation.

_ Alec. _

Alec Lightwood is someone that Magnus has come to understand a little these last couple of days, especially since they decided to continue to be roommates when the hotel said the two days renovation of Magnus’ room is going to take a whole week instead. There’s something about Alec, that doesn’t let Magnus sit still every time the man is anywhere within a five-meter radius of him. He has been a wild card, never ceasing to surprise Magnus. All in good ways of course.

Alec Lightwood is, apparently, a horrible cook, a bitter truth Magnus has been acquainted with when he decided to use the adjoined kitchen that  _ The Seelie Realm  _ offers in every penthouse suite, for romantic moments to be shared between couples, but of course, Magnus tries not to dwell too long on that thought. On his first try, Alec burnt an entire batch of pancakes, and then insisted on making it up to Magnus by making him coffee. His coffee though. Magnus could be roommates with him forever just to wake up to that coffee.  _ No, wait, calling it coffee is an insult to that. It’s heaven in a cup, is what it is. _

Alec is really punctual, and follows a strict schedule. But he still finds time to read his books. Alec has read the entire works of Rick Riordan over 17 times now, and Magnus could only gape the first time he heard that. Alec likes flowers too, but he can’t keep a plant alive for more than a couple days. Apparently his best record has been seven days, before the plant gradually wilted. The kicked puppy look in Alec’s eyes while talking about his dead plant has been enough to prompt Magnus give him a hug, though he was very confused throughout the entire exchange.

Alec is someone who watches the cheesiest movies, if the quiet night-ins are any proof. It had been an absolute joy and wonder, to hear Alec Lightwood, of all people, explain exactly how weird and creepy Bella and Edward’s relationship is. Magnus is sure that all his life problems would’ve been solved if he could just keep listening to that deep voice, with that heavy New York accent say “Are you an idiot? He’s a vampire! Get the fuck out! What the hell are you still doing there? Lamb and lion? Bitch, please!” Magnus still remembers how he toppled with laughter, straight  _ (well, maybe not so straight) _ into Alec’s lap. He didn’t even have to move, until Alec looked down and then stood up immediately, like he had been bitten by a spider.

Oh and the spider! Yes, there had been a spider in the bathroom. Yes, that problem had been dealt with. And Magnus doubts Darwin’s theory of evolution because there’s no way a tiny spider like that made a grown-ass man shriek. Though after that, Alec had turned a brilliant shade of red, when he realized that Magnus had found him in his pajamas only, without a shirt on. The sputtering itself has been worth the ‘having-to-kill-a-spider-at-10am’ part.

Alec is also someone who spends a lot of his time practicing archery in the local range.  _ Wasn’t that a revelation!  _ Magnus is forever grateful to every higher deity in this universe that he agreed to join Alec when he asked if he wanted to accompany him. Alec is a vision in the range, all taut muscles and broad shoulders, utter confidence written across those strong jawbones. He is an amazing archer as well, hitting bullseye every time, and Magnus was pretty perplexed that he didn’t pursue it professionally, but when he asked, Alec simply shrugged, then said that his family wanted a law student instead. Magnus has never seen someone speak about giving up what could have been an internationally celebrated career so easily, just because of their family.

Oh and his family. Magnus has spent a lot of time listening to Alec talk about his siblings. Alec has hardly anything to say about himself, almost as if he doesn’t think himself important enough to remember the details of his own life. But if he starts talking about his siblings, it’s like his heart cannot contain all the love he feels for them. Magnus feels overwhelmed every time he listens to him talk about them, almost disbelieving of the intensity of that love, reserved for two boys and a girl. 

Jace, who is the celebrated boy of the family, adopted at a young age when his parents died, Alec’s best friend. Jace, who is apparently the cause behind Alec’s eyebrow scar trying his shaving skills on his brother when they were both young, and hence the source of Alec’s distrust at getting shaved by others. Jace, who hides behind a mask of arrogance, because he feels like he’s burdening everyone by being a part of the family. Jace, who sometimes helps Alec sleep by playing  _ Nuvole Bianche _ on the piano. 

Isabelle, the brilliant fashionista, according to Alec, and clearly his confidant. Isabelle, or Alec’s  _ Izzy _ , who decided not to wear anything less than 6 inches ever since she was 12. Isabelle, who is as brilliant a forensic scientist as she is a fashion designer. Isabelle, who never gave her heart to any of the boys, until a rambling idiot with one of the purest hearts Alec has ever known claimed it. 

And there’s Max, the one who gets away with everything being the youngest of the family, but no less intelligent. Max, who asks Alec to hide his candies because his room won’t get searched. Max, who gets Alec to buy him his art supplies because their parents don’t approve of art. Max, who told Alec first after he decided to make a Valentine’s Day card for his crush in his class. Max, who debates with Alec whether he can be sassier than Percy or not. 

And it is because of all of these reasons that he’s worried. Alec has so much light in his life, each of his siblings a burning flame. Alec himself as bright as the sun. Magnus doesn’t want to snuff out his light with the never-ending black hole of gloom and heartbreak he calls his life. He loves Alec too much to let that happen. 

Of course this love is futile, one more thing for Magnus to be depressed over. The one more thing he wasn’t supposed to do this time, and he did anyway. Magnus feels the disappointment deep in his guts, and he tries all he can to wait till the endless waves of dark thoughts subside. He wills the whirlwind in his mind to focus on only one thing.

_ Alec can’t see me like this. _

There’s a lot of names Magnus has acquired over the years. _The Great Poison_, as one of the more dramatic ones of his classmates had called him after they discovered who his parents were. _The Glitter God of Fashion, _the media has given him. _The reason why my hair is extra white, _as Ragnor often reminds him. But then there are the ones he dreads. _Naive Lovesick Idiot, _as Camille had called him after one of their break-ups, because he had believed that she could ever love him back._, People _magazine had called him_ The Prince of Fools_, after he launched his Fairytale themed designs in the week and got his heart broken over the weekend. All his life people have come into his life, and almost all of them have decided to leave it a little less brighter, with another one of their tags attached to his life. If Alec does it too, he-he-

He isn’t sure he can handle that right now.

Every time one of these moods has happened during this whole roommate situation, Magnus has made an excuse about being sleepy. But today is a worse kind of day, one where he can’t even think to come up with an excuse. That’s why he carefully disentangles himself from the sea of limbs he’s buried under. Not a small feat, considering that Alec keeps pulling him closer.  _ But this is to make sure he doesn’t get hurt,  _ Magnus tells himself,  _ this is for him. _

And when he finally gets out of bed, he practically runs right into the shower. He turns the temperature as high as it could be without causing him any danger. The scalding hot water almost burns him raw, but Magnus clenches his jaw, and wills himself to endure it. He remembers what he had taught himself all those years ago, standing in front of his mother’s grave.

_ You endure what is unbearable, and you bear it. _

So, he lets the water stream down his body, as if trying to wash the untold darkness inside him, and he doesn’t even realize how long he’s been standing there, only moving when the water starts to run cold.

It’s almost a relief when he comes out of the shower to find the bed empty. He looks around, but Alec is nowhere to be found. He breaths a little easier, not having to face him right now, and instead just gets dressed and curls up on the bed again, already too drained for anything else. 

___________________________________

_ Helen stands in a beautiful tea garden, right alongside the edge of a hill in Sikkim, one of her favourite places in the world. She can see Ty sitting with his headphones on, his nose turned into a book, but he’s still looking up every once in a while to see Kit taking endless selfies. Julian is standing in front of his canvass, his confident strokes bringing out the whimsy of nature with a practiced gait. Tavvy and Dru are playing together, while Livvy watches over them. Emma is talking to Kieren, his blue hair flowing into his face in the cold wind, and Mark and Cristina are giggling over a butterfly. She feels her mouth carve into a smile. A familiar voice wafts into her head, and she jerks around, to find her parents sitting under a shed, smiling at each other. It’s her family, and it’s happiness, because they’re all here. _

_ But she still misses someone. Helen fumbles around inside her brain to bring up that name. That name that seems to sit right there, just out of her grasp. If she could just reach out- just try a bit harder- _

“Aline!” 

The soft silk sheet on the bed is cold, but Helen is still drenched in sweat. She tries to swallow, but her throat feels dry. She turns to get the water she keeps on the nightstand, and she notices her phone vibrating away.

Helen picks it up. There are about two dozen messages from Aline, and a couple voicemails. Helen grows weary.  _ Is Aline okay? Did something happen to her? _

The concern is the automatic response now. With a bit of something that she can’t quite put her finger on. Helen pulls up Aline’s number and hits the call button. Aline picks up immediately, and Helen doesn’t let herself linger on how her mind calms down on the simple ‘Hey’.

“Hey," Helen smiles into the speaker end, balancing her phone on her shoulder as she rifles through the wardrobe.

“So, I’m at Java Jones’, do you want anything with your coffee?”

“Um, a chocolate sundae maybe?”

Aline puts both the coffee cups in one arm, holding her phone with the other. “Chocolate sundae? It’s six-thirty! In the morning!” There’s amusement thinly veiled in her voice. 

“Oi! No judging a woman for wanting ice-cream!” Helen shoots back.

“Not judging, simply commenting” Helen can feel Aline putting her palm up in surrender on the other end of the phone. She decides on a purple jumper and a pair of beige jeans, and heads to the bathroom.

“I’m gonna go freshen up, you rethink your ice-cream policy.”

“Ok, see you there,” Aline hangs up. 

_ Where can I get a sundae before 7 am? _

When Helen lets Aline in her room, taking the coffee cups from her, the clock is almost seven thirty. She hands Aline her black coffee, and takes her own, before setting down on the sofa. Helen notices the tenseness in Aline’s shoulders.

“Aline, are you okay? Did something happen?” Helen asks, concerned.

“It’s just- fuck- I don’t know how to start- I’m so sorry, Helen,” Aline’s brown eyes are filled with guilt, tears threatening to spill at any moment.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Helen puts her cup down, pulling Aline closer, “What happened?”

“I just got the call before I got into the elevator, someone leaked the hospital CCTV footage of you talking to my mom- and- and- people are- well- shit- how do I say this- people are commenting about your- well the fact that you said you are bi.”

“What!”

Helen tenses up, her eyes wide, a chill down her spine, subconsciously pulling away from Aline, who notices the sudden change in her expression.

“Helen I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t- hell- I shouldn’t have taken you to the hospital with me- this is probably my mom putting me down like this- but dammit you shouldn’t have been the one to be attacked- dammit- Helen I’m so s-” 

“Don’t.” The finality in Helen’s voice is enough to stop Aline mid-sentence.

_ Dammit, dammit! What have I done! What if Helen is hurt by all this! What if her career is hurt! Dammit! Helen shouldn’t have been the one to be involved in this at all! She shouldn’t have been hurt by me! Oh God! She’s hurt because of ME! Oh God! _

“Stop,” Helen’s voice floats in her ear, and she looks down to see her covering her hands with her own.

“Aline, I didn’t mean to sound so rude, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing? You’re the one getting hurt! I should be the one apologizing! I’m so s-”

“Don’t you dare,” Helen looks deep in those brown eyes she has come to find all her peace in, “Don’t you dare apologize for other people’s bigotry! I was shocked, that’s all. I don’t care who knows or not. I’ve always been open about who I am. What people think about this is their business, not mine. And besides what would you even apologize for? For being my friend? Or are you apologizing because we are being ourselves?”

“But it’s- I-” 

“Aline, listen,” Helen says, her voice firm, “My whole life I’ve been anxious. About everything. Except one thing. I have always known I like both men and women. Ever since I was 8. It doesn’t define me. It simply is a part of my life. Now if someone thinks that being bisexual means I’m any less than they are, well, I pity their small minds.”

Aline listens, her eyes cast downwards, and Helen decides to continue, her voice soft, “Aline, enough about me. I’ve always been out. Are you okay? I know you aren’t out to many people.”

“I’m- I’m-” Aline clears her throat, trying to gather her thoughts, “I’m okay, I think. I guess people don’t pay enough attention to some assistant director being queer when they have gossip about America’s sweetheart.”

“But this is your truth. And everyone should have some control over this. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, yes,” Aline straightens her back, “I’m fine. I’m better than fine. I’ve lived a long time being scared of who I am, who I love, and enough’s enough. I wanna be happy.”

“That’s great news!” Helen leans forward to hug Aline, “I’m so proud of you. Oh, and one more thing.”

“What?” Aline asks, her face hidden in Helen’s shoulder.

“Aren’t you happy? Now that we have ice-cream to celebrate with?” Helen’s eyes shine with mischief.

Aline narrows her eyes, and picks up a throw pillow, hitting Helen with it. Her mind at ease, now that everything’s fine.

_ Helen’s fine. Helen’s okay. I’m okay.  _

_ It’s gonna be okay. _

___________________________________

Just as they finish up the sundaes Aline brought for them, Aline’s phone rings. 

“It’s one of the producers,” Aline explains, “Hello?”

Helen waits for Aline to finish up the call, but halfway through, Aline’s entire demeanour changes. Helen notices the tense shoulders, and the thin line of her mouth, the clenched jaw.  _ Something’s up. _

“What’s up? What did they say?”

“They got the contestants calling them. Everyone saw the headline about the CCTV footage leak. And they uh- they just- well- they just- sort of- quit.”

“Quit? What do you mean?” Helen is confused by all the information being piled on her today.

“Everyone except Sebastian, Alec and Magnus, have called to tell us that- that they don’t want to participate in the show anymore.”

“Because I’m bi?” Helen asks, but she doesn’t have to guess really, “They don’t want to do all this because of my sexual orientation?”

“Yes,” Aline answers, her eyes hard with anger, “Alfred, Jonathan, Harvey and Raj called saying that they prefer to marry someone who is straight.” Aline’s voice quakes with disgust, “I hate it when the world pretends to be like everything is fine, that the community is all accepted and fine, when now, people just simply hide their bigotry instead of saying it outright!”

“You said everyone except Sebastian, Alec and Magnus, right?”

“Yes. Emil and Victor, they called to say they are one person for life kinda people, and because of that they can’t marry someone who might- who might-”

“Who might cheat on them, right? Because I’m bi? Is that it?” There’s nothing to indicate anything in Helen’s voice, but Aline doesn’t need to hear it to know how hurt she must be.

“They’re idiots, that’s what they are. If they think someone’s sexual orientation decides if they’re loving and faithful. They’re idiots, and the unluckiest SOBs. They don’t know what they have given up.”

Aline cradles Helen’s face like it’s the entirety of existence within the palms of her hands.

“Aline, Aline-”

“Helen I- just- I just want to say something- just-”

“Aline your phone’s ringing.”

“Oh- uh- right!” Aline picks up her phone, “Yes, hello?”

After she finishes up talking, she turns to Helen to find her waiting eagerly for her. “It’s the producers again. They want to do damage control. The whole world is raging against the fact that we let homophobes and biphobes on the show. So, now they want to get someone to show the world that we aren’t against the community.”

“And how exactly are they gonna do that?”

“They wanna bring in a girl participant,” Aline explains, “But the problem is, they can’t find one at such a short notice. We air in four days, the Rose Ceremony is tomorrow.”

Helen takes a deep breath.  _ This is getting out of hand.  _ “So, what are they going to do?”

“They uh- well they asked- well they asked the only queer person they can find in such a short notice.”

“Who?”

“Me,” Aline exhales, “They asked me.”

The information knocks the breath out of Helen.  _ Oh, I can’t ask her to give up her career like this. She doesn’t even like me! This is unfair to her. But I guess, this is a good thing. This is Aline we’re talking about. I know Aline. I can talk to her. Tell her not to do this just because the producers asked. But then again, this means that I actually have a chance to- no, I have to think about Aline’s happiness. _

Aline clears her throat, fixed in her spot. Helen looks up to her.

“And I said yes.”

“Oh!”

“You don’t have to choose me. You can just send me home after you decide on someone else. Just, this way you get to tell people that your sexuality doesn’t define you, well, mostly,” Aline’s voice is excited, full of hope, a thousand thoughts raging in her head.  _ I know you won’t choose me, you deserve someone better. Someone far far better. But if I could just pretend- if I could just help you somehow- _

“Aline, you don’t have to-”  _ Sacrifice yourself like this,  _ Helen thinks.

“It isn’t sacrifice, not if I’m doing it for you. You are my friend, Helen.”  _ You are everything,  _ Aline thinks.

“You are amazing, Aline Penhallow! You are absolutely, absolutely amazing! Thank you,” Helen hugs her. 

Aline takes a shaky breath.

_ She won’t choose me. Of course not. _

_ This will hurt, won’t it? _

_ It’s fine. I can do it. For her. _

_ If I get hurt to make her happy, it’ll be worth it. She’ll be happy. _

_ I can even pretend that she might choose me. That we can have a future. _

_ That I actually have hope. _

_ I have to hope. I have to. _

_ Oh Helen Blackthorn. For you, I will hope. _

___________________________________

When Alec wakes up, his hands grasping at nothing when he tries to leech off Magnus’ warmth, like he has been doing these past few days. His eyes fly open, and he turns his head to see the emptiness on Magnus’ side. Alec gets up, chasing sleep away as he rubs his eye with the back of his hand groggily.

_ Where’s Magnus? _

There's the sound of the water running, and Alec gathers that Magnus has gone to the bathroom. He waits for Magnus to come out of the shower, but after almost 45 minutes, Magnus is still inside, and Alec grows worried.

_ Is he okay? He didn’t fall down in there, did he? Dammit, maybe I should check. _

_ Yeah, Lightwood. Magnus Bane is showering in your bathroom and you just need an excuse don’t you! _

Alec can practically feel the voice inside his head glaring at him, and he decides not to check up.

_ Maybe he needs more time today to get ready for breakfast. Not like I would know anything about getting ready like him anyway. _

It’s after a fifteen minute wait, that there’s so much restless energy, that Alec feels overwhelmed. After changing into his running clothes, he decides to go and grab one of the sandwiches Magnus loves from a nearby food cart, and he decides not to tell Magnus, in case he feels disturbed by Alec.

It takes almost an hour for Alec to run to the cart and back, and Alec is sure that the people in the hotel lobby have been staring at him because of how much he stinks. He goes up to their room and steps inside, before stopping right before the bedroom.

_ Magnus. _

_ He looks so sad. Why is he so sad? Is it because he has to stay with me? Of course, Magnus probably never had to share his room with anyone. Hell, we even share a bathroom! Oh, God! Maybe he’s sad because I’m obnoxious! Oh God! Dammit Lightwood! _

_ I was having so much fun with him these past few days, I forgot that he is too polite to actually tell me off if I’m being horrible! _

Just as Alec moves to put the packet of sandwich down by the bedroom table, Magnus stirs in his sleep. Panicking, Alec grabs his clothes and goes to the bathroom, practically running into the shower.

It’s the smell of his favourite sandwich that makes Magnus open his eyes. There’s still no-one in the room, as Magnus notices, but he can hear the shower running, so Alec must be back from wherever he went to. Magnus turns around, and sees the food on the table.

_ Is that sandwich from that place I like it so much? But, how? Who would even- _

“You hungry?” 

Magnus turns around at the question, and sees Alec coming out of the bathroom, his hair is still damp, looking incredibly soft. If it wasn’t for the horribleness of the day, Magnus would have smiled.

“What is that?” Magnus asks pointing at the food.

“Oh- it’s sandwiches. You told me about this place nearby that you love to get sandwiches from, so I figured I’ll get us some. Sorry, it must be weird-” Alec stammers.

“It’s not weird. Actually, thank you, I haven’t had one of those in a long time.”

Alec visibly relaxes, and he brings the bag to the bed, and places it on some paper so that it doesn’t stain the bed sheet. There’s more than enough for both of them, and Alec hands Magnus his sandwich.

“One sandwich, with extra mayo, extra chicken, extra chilli sauce, no lettuce and no tomatoes, extra onion, here you go.”

Magnus is ready to say that he doesn’t feel like eating, his emotions a whirlwind inside his head, but Alec’s face is a balm to that ache inside his head that he doesn’t realize why. Maybe it’s because no-one else other than Raphael, Ragnor and Catarina has ever brought him anything. Maybe it’s because no-one has run for an hour to get his favourite sandwich, ever. 

Maybe it’s because he has been really hungry despite not feeling like it, or because that’s the only shop in all of America that makes the sandwich just the way his mom used to make, Magnus takes the sandwich from Alec, biting into it, and Alec does the same. The familiar taste washes over Magnus, and he tries to bite back tears that sting the back of his eyes at the reminder of his mother, not for the first time today.

“I’m sorry.” Alec’s voice is quiet, and Magnus is sure he misheard,  _ because why would Alec apologize for anything? _

“Alexander, what? Why are you sorry?”

“Because you’re sad because of me. Because I’m obnoxious as hell, and now I’ve made you upset,” Alec doesn’t meet Magnus’ eye, suddenly very interested in the sewing of the bed sheet.

“ _ You  _ made  _ me  _ upset?” Magnus tries to wrap his mind around the fact, and comes up empty. “Alec, what are you talking about?”

“It’s just-” Alec stammers, his voice small, “I see how you get so sad sometimes, like you can’t even move. And you always go quiet. And you go into the bedroom and go to sleep really quick.”

“But I can tell that you’re not sleeping. Like you’re just hiding from me. If I’m making you uncomfortable, if I’m being obnoxious, just tell me, please. You don’t have to hide from me. Ever. Magnus, please don’t hide from me.”

It’s only when he feels Alec’s arms around himself, his head pillowed on Alec’s chest, that Magnus realizes he has been crying. Alec just holds him close, letting him cry in his arms. There’s a small voice in the back of Magnus’ head that says this is wrong. That he shouldn’t let Alec see him like this. But for once, Magnus decides not to listen to it. Instead, he holds Alec tighter, trying to hide from all of his problems by burying his face in the crook of Alec’s neck.

They don’t even realize how long they stay like that. After what seems like an eternity, Magnus pulls back, but holds Alec at his arms reach. Alec doesn’t say anything, just complies with Magnus’ wish.

“I’m sorry for reacting like that. It’s just- it’s been a long time since anyone has ever noticed that I- that I-” Magnus takes a deep breath, trying to gather his thoughts, “It’s been a long time since anyone has asked me not to hide my emotions.”

Alec doesn’t say anything, silently urging Magnus to talk it out, if he wants. Maybe it’s because he feels safe, or maybe it’s because he feels overwhelmed, Magnus keeps on talking.

“People always assume that because I’m so outgoing, and because I talk all the time, and- and because of my whole personality,” Magnus vaguely gestures at himself, “That I don’t get like this. And most of the time they don’t notice. And when, well,  _ if  _ they do, well, all the people I’ve been with told me that I can’t let this part of myself out, then people would hate me for being weak, for- for being less than the image they have of me. It’s been a long time since anyone asked me not to hide.”

Alec pulls Magnus closer so now Magnus is practically sitting on his lap, there’s a small part of him that is terrified that Magnus will find out about him, but well, right now Magnus needs him, he can postpone his existential crisis.

“Alec, we’ve been roommates for almost a week now. There’s something about me I think you should know.” Alec can’t quite place the look on Magnus’ face right now, half-apprehension, half-terror, half-trauma.

“You don’t have to tell me, you know,” Alec says, rubbing soothing circles on Magnus’ back, “Whatever it might be. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“I do. I do want to tell you. You’re probably the first person I actually wanted to tell.”

Alec feels a small pride at that, but tries not to let it show.

Magnus adjusts so now he’s sitting with his legs on Alec’s lap, his head resting on the headboard of the bed. Looking at Alec, seeing the quiet concern and open care written on his face, Magnus feels a pang in his heart. He knows that once this secret is out, all those are going to vanish. Once he hears all of this, the truth about Magnus, Alec is going to walk out that door and not going to come back. Of course he will. They all do. 

_ I’m going to miss you, Alec Lightwood. _

“My father was a cult leader. My mother tried to run away with me. He found out. He tried to kill us. My mother tried to save me. So he killed her. In front of me. And then he tried to kill me. I stabbed him with a garden shear. He almost died. Then the police showed up. The doctors called his death during the trial. I was placed in a foster home, until I turned eighteen.”

Magnus finishes talking in a single breath, his eyes closed, and head down.  _ I can’t see Alec being disgusted, I can’t- I can’t- _

Whatever he expected of Alec, a pair of arms circling him in tenderness and acceptance isn’t it. Magnus opens his eyes in shock, and he can feel Alec hugging him tighter by the second.

“Alec, I-” Magnus opens his mouth to say something, anything, but Alec cuts him off.

“It isn’t your fault, it wasn’t your fault. You were a child! You did all you could. You did your best. God! I knew you were brave, but this, I- I didn’t realize how brave you are. You are- you are a miracle, Magnus. You are amazing!” 

“Alec, how can you say that!” Magnus’ lips voice with his emotions, “This is the worst of me, the ugliest truth of me-”

“Hey,” Alec cuts him off, cradling his tear-stained face in both palms, “There is nothing ugly about you.”

If it wasn’t for the absolute certainty in Alec’s voice, Magnus would’ve thought that this is a joke. But there is Alec, looking at him like he’s the sun, and all Magnus can do is cry.

“Alec- Alec- my father- he- he-”

“I don’t care who your father is Magnus. I care who you are. And you, Magnus Bane, you are the bravest, kindest, sweetest- hell, you’re the best man I have ever known.”

Magnus stares at Alec, the honesty, and the clear stark truth staring at his face. 

For once his life, there is no voice in the back of Magnus’ head, no reminder of losses, no heartbreak, no nothing. Nothing except the crushing reassurance of Alec around him.

For once in his life, the truth hasn’t sent anyone running for the hills. For once in his life, someone has stayed. For once in his life, he doesn’t have to hide anymore.

Magnus feels overwhelmed. His breath stutters, his heart aches from all the feelings rushing through his mind, from Alec’s warmth enveloping him.

_ This one. _

_ After all that searching, all that stumbling around.  _

_ This one. _

_ This one finally fits. _

_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from 'Bridges' by Aisha Badru.  
I know I'm late, but I've been really sick past few weeks. Sorry 😔 *hugs you tightly*  
But I'm back!  
Thoughts?  
Tell me in the comments or find me on tumblr @just-another-lightwood-bane


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